Once upon a time, there lived an old man and an old woman in the kingdom of Fife. The old man was a meek, meek man, and the old woman was a flighty, empty woman. So some of their neighbors even looked at her sideways and said that she was a witch. And her husband himself was afraid of this, because, oddly enough, she had gotten into the habit of running away from home. As soon as it began to get dark in the yard, the old woman seemed to disappear, and never returned home the whole night. And in the morning she will come pale, tired, as if she had walked somewhere far or been strained at hard work. The husband tried to follow where she went and what she was doing, but could not.
Every time she managed to jump out the door when he was looking in the other direction. And as soon as she jumped out, there was no trace of her. The old man could not keep track of her.
Finally he became unbearable, and one day he asked her directly: “Tell me, are you a witch or not?” And when he heard the answer, his blood froze. After all, his wife, without thinking twice, replied that yes, she really was a witch, and if he promised not to tell anyone about it, she would tell him where she had disappeared. Well, the old man promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone anything. He really wanted to know where his old woman was hanging around.
He didn't have to wait long. A week later, a new moon was born, and everyone knows that on a new moon, witches like to wander around God knows where. And then on the first night of the new moon, the old woman disappeared. She returned at dawn.
The old man asked her where she had been. And the old woman burst into laughter and immediately told him about everything that had happened to her.
It turns out that she met with her four friends at the old church that stands on the wasteland. There they sat astride some on laurel branches, some on bunches of hemlock, and they immediately turned into horses. The witches rushed across the mountains and valleys faster than the wind and began to chase foxes, weasels and owls there. Then we crossed the River Forth and climbed Mount Ben Lomond. There they dismounted and began to drink beer, which was not brewed in a human brewery. They drank this beer from horn bowls, also not made by people. And then, from under a huge mossy stone, a tiny man jumped out with a tiny bagpipe under his arm and began to play, so joyfully that even the trout splashed out of the lake under the mountain, and the stoats ran out of their holes. Crows and herons flew in from somewhere, sat in the trees in the darkness and began to listen too. And the witches started dancing and danced so hard that from fatigue they could barely sit on their horses when it was time for them to return. We had to leave a little early to get home before the first rooster crowed.
The old man listened to the old woman in silence, only shaking his head. And when she finished telling the story, he said:
- What do you need all these dances and dances for? I'd rather stay at home! It will be calmer at home.
But then the new moon came again, and the old woman again disappeared for the whole night. And when she returned the next morning, she told her husband that this time her friends - and she with them - sat in shells and swam in them, like in boats, on a stormy sea. They sailed until they landed on the shores of Norway. There they mounted invisible horses, creatures of the wind, raced on them through the mountains, gorges, and glaciers and finally arrived in Lapland. She was completely covered with snow. There the elves, and fairies, and sea maidens of the North feasted with sorcerers, brownies, and spirits, and even the ghost hunters themselves came to this feast, but not a single mortal saw them.
The witches of Fife also feasted with everyone else. They ate, drank, danced, sang and - most importantly - learned from the evil spirits there some magic words, or, in other words, a curse. You just have to whisper these words and you will immediately fly into the air, and then all the locks and bolts will open in front of you, so go wherever you want. Then the witches of Fife returned home very happy. The old man only grumbled at this:
- Why do you need to hang around in such places? It would be better to lie at home, in my own bed, it would be warmer.
But after the old woman disappeared for the third time all night, her tales touched the old man to the quick.
This time she met with her friends in the house of a witch who lived next door. They heard that the bishop of Carlisle had a wine cellar, and in that cellar excellent wine was stored. Well, the witches wanted to taste this wine, and this is how they got to it: the witch steps on the hook in the fireplace - the hook on which the cauldron is hung when the stew is cooked - she whispers a hex that she learned from the elves in Lapland, and... what miracles! It will fly out into the chimney, just like smoke flies out. Well, then they all flew through the air, like wisps of clouds, and instantly rushed to the bishop's palace in Carlisle.
There, all the locks and constipations opened in front of them by themselves. The witches entered the wine cellar, tasted the bishop's wine and returned to Fife before the first rooster - completely sober, sedate old ladies - not a hop in either eye.
When the old man heard about this, he even jumped up from his chair - after all, more than anything in the world, he loved good wine, and he did not often drink this.
- Well, I can be proud of a wife like you, I really say so! - cried the old man. - Tell me this slander, old woman, and I’ll fly there too - I want to try the bishop’s wine.
But the old woman just shook her head.
- No no! “I can’t,” he says. “Tell it to you, you’ll tell it to others, and then the whole world will go upside down.” They will all abandon their work and fly around the world to wander around, poking their nose into other people’s affairs and getting close to other people’s delicacies. So you better sit still, old man. You've had enough of what you already know.
No matter how much the old man tried to persuade his wife, no matter how much he cajoled her, she did not want to tell him her secret.
But he was a cunning old man, and the bishop’s wine did not give him peace. And so he began to hide night after night in the house of that old woman, where his wife and her friends met. He had to watch for them for a long time, but finally he waited in the wings.
One evening all five friends gathered in this house. The old women chatted quietly, giggled, and remembered everything that had happened to them in Lapland. A little later they ran to the fireplace. And so - the witch will stand on a chair, then step on a hook, black with soot, mutter magic words and... well, miracles! The old man still won’t have time to catch his breath, and there’s already no trace of the witch! She fluttered out into the chimney. And so all the witches flew away one after another. “Well, I can do that too!” - thought the old man. He stepped onto the hook, whispered a curse, flew out of the chimney and rushed through the air after five witches - like a real sorcerer.
Witches, when they fly, do not look back, which is why they did not notice that the old man was rushing after them.
But then the whole crowd flew up to the bishop's palace in Carlisle and went down into the cellar. And then only the witches saw that the old man had also flown here after them. They didn't like it very much. But there is nothing to do! They had to eat together.
And so they all began to taste the wine, first from one barrel, then from another. But the witches took only a sip from each, and did not drink too much. They were such old women that they never lost their minds - they remembered that since they had to return home before the first rooster, it meant that they had to keep their heads straight and not get drunk to the point of insensibility.
But the old man was not as intelligent as they were. He drank and drank the bishop's wine, and finally drowsiness overcame him. He lay down on the floor and fell fast asleep.
His old woman saw this and decided to teach him a lesson - next time, they say, he won’t meddle where he shouldn’t. And when it was time for the witches to go home, the old woman did not wake up her husband and flew away with her friends.
And the old man slept peacefully in the cellar until the morning. But then two bishop's servants went down into the cellar to strain wine for their master, and in the darkness they almost fell when they stumbled upon a sleeping old man. They were very surprised, and no wonder - after all, the door to the cellar was locked, and they opened it themselves.
Then the servants dragged the old man into the light of day and began to shake and beat him, and when they finally woke him up, they began to ask how he got here. The poor fellow was so frightened, and his head was so dizzy, that all he could do was mutter: “I’m from Fife... come on the midnight wind...
When the servants heard these words, they shouted: “Sorcerer! Sorcerer!” - and they dragged the old man to the bishop. And it must be said that in those days the bishops were deathly afraid of sorcerers and witches. Well, the Bishop of Carlisle ordered the old man to be burned alive.
The poor old man, as soon as he heard his sentence, so heartily regretted that he had not stayed at home in his bed, but had gone after the bishop’s wine. But don’t be sorry, it’s of little use!
And so the servants dragged the old man into the courtyard, wrapped him in a chain and tied this chain to a thick iron pole. And they built a large fire around the pillar and set fire to the wood.
Soon the first tongue of flame broke through between the logs, and the old man thought:
"Well, now I'm finished!" After all, he completely forgot that his wife was a witch.
But when the flames had already begun to lick the old man’s pants, something fluttered and rustled in the air, and suddenly a large gray bird with outstretched
appeared in the sky with wings, fell like a stone into the yard and sat on the old man’s shoulder. The gray bird held a red nightcap in its beak. And so she put the cap on the old man’s head, croaked something fiercely and flew away. And to the old man her croaking seemed more beautiful than the most beautiful song. After all, it was not a simple bird that croaked, it was his wife who whispered a curse to him.
When he heard her whisper, he jumped for joy and loudly shouted the magic words. Then the chains fell off him, and he flew into the air. The people who gathered in the square were dumbfounded with surprise. But the old man did not even think about saying goodbye to the residents of Carlisle - he flew higher and higher, straight to the kingdom of Fife, and soon arrived home safe and sound. And he never again tried to pry out his wife’s secrets. He left her alone and let her do what she wants.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru