A long time ago there lived a man. He once went to wander around the world and met three people on the road, sitting right in the road dust. The traveler greeted them:
- Salaam alaikum, fools!
- Aleikum salaam! - they answered. The man went his own way, and the fools began to argue among themselves.
One says:
- This greeting was addressed only to me!
The second one says:
- No, I'm the fool.
The third one said the same thing. So they bickered until one said:
“We don’t need to argue here all day.” This man hasn’t gone far yet, let’s catch up with him and ask which of the three of us is the fool.
That's what they decided on. All three went and began to loudly call the traveler:
- Hey, wait, hey, wait!
The traveler thinks: “What did I do when I passed these people?” Stopped. The fools approached him, one asked:
- Tell me, good man, was your greeting addressed not only to me? Am I not the only fool?
The second one also asks:
- How come, didn’t you say hello to me? Am I not the fool?
And the third one asks:
- Am I not a fool?
The traveler thinks: “What should I answer them?” - and says to one:
- Tell me, what is real stupidity?
He answers:
- Sir, I am a real fool! Here, listen. Yesterday I went to the market, bought meat, and brought it to my wife. She began to cook, and while the meat was not yet ready, her wife came out to ask for salt. Then I pinched off two pieces from the back, put them in my mouth and began to chew, but before I had time to swallow, my wife was coming, and when I heard that she was returning, I put the meat behind my cheek, so that my cheek was swollen. My wife came in, saw me in this state and exclaimed: “Oh Almighty God! As soon as I went out to ask for salt, I returned - and my husband’s cheek was swollen! Ah, misfortune! We need a needle and fire soon!” She brought a needle, heated it on the fire and pierced my cheek. I felt it burning and moved the meat to the other cheek. Then she pierced this cheek too. I realized that there was nowhere else to put the meat, and spat it out on the floor. And my wife says to me: “Oh, husband! A wife is a wife, after all, the meat is still yours, why did you let your cheeks be stabbed, you fool!” Well, tell me now, sir, am I not a fool?
The traveler answers:
- Yes, you really are a fool. That's for sure.
The second fool says:
- Sir, the real fool is me. Yesterday I went to the market, bought meat, coconuts, various spices, brought all this to my wife, and she prepared food. And in our city there is a decree that at ten o’clock in the evening you need to close the door, and anyone who does not close the door at ten o’clock is seized, thrown into prison for the night, in the morning they are led in disgrace throughout the city, and then executed on the shore. So, we sat at home until ten o’clock and did not close the door, because there was no food on the table yet. Finally I say to my wife: “Bring it to the table!” She served the food, we were just about to start eating it, then I asked my wife: “You know,” I said, “what the decree is in this country, first go close the door, and then we’ll eat.” My wife answers me: “Go close it yourself!” I tell her: “Go close it!” And she told me: “Go close it yourself!” Then I say: “What’s the point of bickering like that, let’s sit without touching the food, and the one who starts eating or speaks first should close the door.” So my wife and I sat in silence, just looking at each other. We sat there and sat, then some donkey came, ate all our sorghum and left, and none of us said a word, because the one who speaks must close the door. The dog came, entered the house, licked all the dishes, then came to the table, ate all the rice, broke the bowls and ran away, and none of us said anything, even when the dog ate the rice! After all, the one who speaks must close the door. We sat like that until one in the morning, and then the guard came and asked: “Why don’t you close the door?” But we are silent, we don’t answer. The guard grabbed us, locked us in prison until the morning, and in the morning he took us to the Sultan. The Sultan said: “Drive them around the city in disgrace, and then execute them.” They took my wife and I all over the city, but we were still silent, and only when we approached our house, the wife suddenly said: “Husband, isn’t this our house? Why are we passing by? And I’ll scream: “Ah-ah! Ooh! My wife has spoken! Ahh! Ooh! My wife has spoken!” The guard was amazed: “What’s wrong with him? The Sultan ordered me to lead them around the city, and when we get to the shore, to execute them, what the heck! We must take them back to the Sultan." The guard brought us to the Sultan and told him everything. The Sultan interrogated us again, and we explained everything to him. Then he allowed us to return home.
See, sir, since my rice, my wife, my house almost killed me, am I not a real fool?
The traveler answers:
- Yes, you are an even bigger fool than the first one.
The third says:
- No, sir, I’m such a fool! I have a toothache, I ask: “Is there a dentist in this city?” They tell me: “Yes, his name is Ali.” I went to Ali and told him: “I have a toothache. Can you rip it out?” “I can,” Ali answers. I ask: “How much will you charge for this?” He says, “Only half a rupee.” I had half a rupee in five reals. I gave him this money, and he pulled out my tooth. I returned home, my wife asked: “Well, did they pull out your tooth?” I answer: “They pulled it out.” She asks again: “How much did you pay for it?” I say: “Five reals.” And she told me: “Others get one tooth pulled out for a quarter of a mapesa, but you paid five reals.”
I went again to Ali and told him: “Listen, how can it be that you pull out another tooth for a quarter of a mapesa, but I paid you five reals. Then tear out all the others too!” Ali pulled out all my teeth. I returned home, and my wife asked: “Well, did you get your money?” I say: “Oh, I still owe him some money.” She asks again: “Why?” “He pulled out all my teeth for five reals, so you see, wife, I’m not at a loss.” And she says: “Well, you’re a fool!”
Well, sir, am I really not a fool?
Traveler says:
- Yes, you are a real fool, and my greetings rightfully belong to you.
And the three fools went back along the road, marveling at the one who surpassed everyone with his stupidity.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru