One woman had a stupid husband. He didn’t know how to do anything, no matter what he took on, everything was crooked and lopsided.
Once his wife sent him to his relatives to take a loom. He walked back, tired, and sat down by the road to rest. Out of boredom I began to look at the machine. He looks at it and thinks: “Why am I dragging you around if you have four legs? Go yourself, you’ll come faster than me.”
He put the machine in the middle of the road and went home himself.
He returned, and his wife asked about the machine.
The fool answers:
- He will come himself. He has four legs.
His wife tells him:
- What are you talking about, how can a machine walk, its legs are made of wood! Run back quickly!
And then it started to get dark outside, and the fool decided to go in the morning.
The next day he went to get the machine and looked - and the machine was all wet from dew.
The fool says:
- Poor fellow! I was already sweating, I was in such a hurry.
The fool said so, took the machine, and took it home.
Another time, the wife wove a piece of cloth and told the fool to take it to the market.
A fool is walking along the road and looks: there are two pillars. And the fool mistook those pillars for people and started shouting:
- Hey! Who wants canvases?
The pillars, of course, are silent.
And the fool shouts again:
- Buy the canvas!
He went up to the pillars, laid down the canvas and said:
- Here's the canvas, give me the money!
A goat walks nearby and bleats: me-e-e!
And the fool heard: “No!”
The fool says:
- I won’t get it today, I’ll come tomorrow!
He said so and went home.
The wife asks:
— Who did you sell the painting to?
The fool answers:
- Two guys. Some wonderful ones! They stand by the road, silent. And when I asked about money, they immediately said “no-no.”
His wife asked about everything, realized what was going on, and sent him back to quickly bring the canvas.
The fool came to the pillars, but there was no knot with the canvas.
Suddenly he looks - people are walking along the road, apparently and invisibly, everyone is dressed in white, burying someone.
The fool looked, thought that they had stolen his painting, and let’s shout:
“Give me my canvas, or I’ll beat everyone up!”
People heard this, ran up to the fool, and beat him up.
He returned home, complained to his wife, and she said:
- Fool! After all, you saw the funeral. If you had helped them carry the coffin, they wouldn’t have beaten you, they said thank you.
“Okay,” the fool answers, “I’ll be smarter in advance.”
He said this and went for a walk.
The fool looks at the bearers carrying a painted palanquin, and then he shouts:
- Hey you! Let me help you carry the coffin!
The porters heard this and beat the fool.
He returned home, crying, and his wife chuckled:
- Well, you are so stupid! He mistook the wedding palanquin for a funeral bier; he had to smile and clap his hands.
The fool answered:
“I’ll be smarter in advance,” and went to bed.
I went outside in the morning and looked - my neighbors’ house was on fire. I ran to have a look. The fool likes the way the flame blazes, he smiled and, well, clap his hands and dance.
They beat him again.
He goes home and laments:
“Poor, unfortunate me, everyone beats me, I can’t please anyone.”
The wife heard, clasped her hands and said:
“You’re a fool, you’re a fool, who claps their hands during a fire?” It would be better to take a bucket of water and fill the fire!
The Fool heard this and thought: “When I see a fire, I will certainly put it out.”
He walked through the village and came across a forge. He looks - the fire is blazing, sparks are flying in all directions. The fool grabbed a bucket of water and poured on the fire. The blacksmiths came running, let's beat him, they beat him so much that he barely made it home.
“Oh,” says the wife, “who lights the fire in the forge?” It would be better if you hit the anvil with a hammer, the blacksmiths would thank you!
The fool rejoiced:
- That’s good, I’ll know in advance what to do!
A fool walks along and looks - two people are fighting, waving sticks, shouting loudly.
The fool ran up, grabbed a stick, and let’s hit them.
Those two forgot about their fight and rushed at the fool, as soon as he lost his legs.
And the wife says again:
“You’re a fool, you simpleton, you shouldn’t have hit him, you should have separated him.”
The fool remembered what his wife told him, but he wasn’t happy: two bulls were fighting, and he was going to separate them.
The bull picked him up on his horns and threw him into a nearby vacant lot. Only in the evening they found the fool, barely alive.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru