It happened that Cancer, even though he was a savvy man, let go of the entire farm, leaving only one cow. If God has offended his wife with her mind, she won’t live long until the last thread! Our Cancer thought and thought and decided:
- Come on, I’ll sell the cow! What do I need it for? A careless woman will starve her to death anyway, but will they give much for the skin? What is there to think about and guess, there will be something for me to do, maybe I’ll feed myself!
I did as I decided; drove the cow to the market. His wife saw it and shouted after him:
- If you sell the cow, buy me a skirt! Even if it’s narrow!
- OK! And I’m thinking of stocking up on grub! - he answers the woman from the other end of the village.
They immediately bought a cow at the market. And the man bought a calendar and a roast goose, put it in a bag, and squandered the rest of the money. So he sat drinking a glass until the next day.
And the wife lit the stove at home, sits warming herself: “What do I need an old skirt for,” he thinks, “if it’s warm in the house? And the man will bring new ones.” She took off her rags and threw them into the stove. The skirt burned, the fire went out, the stove cooled down, while the man was drinking wine somewhere. The woman began to chatter her teeth coldly, in a thin shirt. In the morning the man appeared, and the wife shouts from behind the stove:
- Hubby, dear, give me the skirt as soon as possible!
-What kind of skirt? I didn't buy the skirt!
- Oh, damn you! Damn it, I shouted to you, even if it’s a narrow one, bring it!
“I bought a goose, try a piece, just don’t make any noise.”
What was left for the woman? Keep quiet and keep quiet! She’s cold in her torn shirt, and she won’t show herself to people. Well at least he brought something to eat!
And that’s all a man needs. The woman sits behind the stove, is silent, and he flips through the calendar. And there it is written - just miracles in a sieve, and that’s all! Sign after sign, the riddle chases the solution, little things, little things, little squiggles!
A man spread a rumor around the village that he would answer any question, and if anyone had something missing, he would immediately find it. He has now become a prophet! He turned the calendar upside down and poked his finger at the lines, as if he had learned all the wisdom on foot!
No one came to see him for a long time! But one day he’s sitting at the table, and then his neighbor bursts in:
- Neighbor! - he begins.
- What kind of “neighbor” am I to you? You are an ill-mannered lout! Is this how they come to the prophet? Go out, then knock politely, and when I shout “come in, come in, take off your hat and address me delicately, like a gentleman!” After all, I am a prophet!
The neighbor had to leave and enter again, this time with a bow:
- Trouble, Mister Prophet! Two oxen are missing! You can't find out whose hand this was? I’ll count out twenty guilders for you and bring you a measure of selected peas - pure gold.
- That’s better, rogue! To bow to you right away! Bring twenty guilders and a measure of peas! Your oxen will be found.
The neighbor was delighted, as if the oxen were already at home, dragging peas and money.
“Come here,” the prophet tells him, “and look, if you have eyes!” This one with the crooked knee - he pointed his finger at the picture on the calendar, and led them away at night. If he doesn’t return the oxen to you by morning, he’ll go crazy! Then we will bring him to clean water!
The news flashed through the village like lightning that, even so, the oxen would still be found, but the lame man would have a hard time. And it was none other than the lanky-legged Kuba from the lower end of the village.
Kuba got scared, limped up to the prophet, knocked as expected, and bowed low:
- Mister Prophet, are you home?
- At home. What do you want, crooked soul? - the prophet answers. And he again:
- Soul is soul! The soul, it cries, its hands itch, its eyes stare at the things of others! I will give up the oxen so that no misfortune happens to me!
- What will you give me? - asks the prophet. - To avoid trouble?
- And I can give no worse than my neighbor! If only everything worked out! - Cuba answers. And it’s true: everything worked out. The Prophet received money and peas, and by morning the oxen were in their place.
Little by little, all the stolen things began to return to this and that, and the prophet’s closet and shupik began to fill up. He fed and watered his wife to the fullest, but he didn’t buy a skirt, even the tightest one. “Let her sit behind the stove so that she doesn’t ruin things for me with her chatter.
And the wife loses her temper, even though she has already killed a goose and a pig and everything that fell to the prophet from the neighbors.
Soon the golden wedding ring of the rich lady from the castle disappeared, gone and gone, as if it had sunk into the water. No one will know where he went.
A rumor spread that the lady would give one hundred guilders to the one who found the ring, and would order the one who stole it to be broken on the rack. The master's servant runs to the prophet: “The lady, they say, orders me to look for the ring! Maybe the prophet knows about the loss.
“As for the loss, I know better than you know,” the prophet answers. - And you, you uncouth lout, if you don’t know how to talk to a prophet!
And he sent the servant out the door. He had to knock and bow politely. The prophet received him and said:
“Your lady should know that the prophet doesn’t even go to his masters on foot.” If they send a carriage for me, I’ll come.
The lady sent a ceremonial carriage for him, and the prophet with an open calendar proudly rode into the castle. He demanded a separate room, seven days of time, and the best food and drink, until he found out where the ring was.
The lady agreed to everything. The master was away at that time. They fed our prophet as if for slaughter, gave him water - he almost burst. But his wife was tired of sitting at home behind the cold stove. Hunger is not the mother who will make you dance! And she set off, as she was, in only her shirt, into the master’s castle, to fetch her husband. The servant had a grudge against the prophet and brought the woman straight to him. What could the prophet do? He persuades her this way and that, tells her to keep quiet: here, they say, at least you can eat your fill, they bring countless dishes to the table.
“Here,” he tells her, “now there will be a first!”
And this is a servant walking up the stairs. He heard it and trembled with fear! After all, it was he who stole the ring. And then the second one comes in and takes another dish. And the prophet shouts to his wife: “Here, little wife, the second!
And this one is trembling with fear. After all, he and the first one are involved in theft! The third one appears, the third dish is brought, and the prophet again boasts to his wife:
“I told you that we’ll wait for the third one!”
The servant just put the dish on the table and threw himself on his knees in front of the prophet:
“Why,” he says, “conceal if you know everything?” It was the three of us who stole the ring. How can you resist here if you ask for your hands? Come on, come up with something so that the lady doesn’t find out, and we’ll thank you, we’ll have a hundred guilders! She will be happy if the ring is found before the master arrives home!
– I knew it was you! - the prophet prophesies. - I just feel sorry for you guys! If you do not obey me in everything, great trouble awaits you. Bring the money immediately and let the biggest turkey in the yard swallow the ring. The rest is my concern!
The servants brought the money, they are shaking with fear, but the prophet sleeps peacefully.
In the morning, the lady almost ruined the whole thing, she became capricious, did not want to cut the handsome turkey, and that’s all. Where does the ring come from?
“The ring has nowhere else to be,” the prophet answers her, “my gut doesn’t deceive me!”
They did as the prophet ordered - lo and behold, the ring was in the turkey’s crop! The lady counted out one hundred guilders to the prophet and quickly sent him home before the master returned.
“I don’t mind leaving,” the prophet says to the lady, “but what about my woman, who showed up in the evening wearing only a shirt and even a torn one?”
The lady orders her to give her her best dress. The prophet sat in the carriage, he himself sat like a gogol and the woman lifted her nose up. Yes, we met the master at the gate. He stopped and began asking why on earth a stranger was coming in her lady’s best dress? Well, you can’t hide a sew in a bag, I had to tell it all like it is.
- Well, if you are such a prophet, I will test you personally! - said the master. He ordered a rich dinner to be prepared and twelve neighboring gentlemen to be invited to visit. The turkey is still fried!
The servants began to bring treats to the table. Twelve dishes are carried in open dishes, the thirteenth in closed ones. What is there - no one knows. The master tells the prophet to guess what is in that dish under the lid. The master brought this delicacy with him and this year no one has eaten it yet.
- Speak quickly! - he hurries the prophet.
The prophet sees that things are bad. There is nowhere to go. He sighed and said:
- Oh, Cancer, Cancer, apparently the end has come for you! - after all, the prophet’s name was Cancer! The master jumped up and shouted:
- Well, you're great!
They open the dish, and there is a huge sea crayfish lying there!
The guests gawk, either at the boiled red crayfish, or at the wise prophet. They say that each of the gentlemen counted out another hundred guilders for the prophet.
They ordered the prophet to be taken home in a carriage so that wisdom would not walk.
Cancer now has money and begins to manage it. Only with my wife it’s all swearing and swearing. And the new skirt doesn’t help, even though it’s not tight. He should have invested the woman with his intelligence, and then they would have healed no worse than people. But how can she put her mind into it? Yes! There is no need to teach a prophet, a smart man - he knows it himself!
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru