There lived a peasant, a rogue and a slacker, and fate also blessed him with a somewhat deaf wife. So they managed, they squandered everything; They had nothing left, just a cow.
So the owner thought: “If I sell the cow, what do I need it for? My wife won’t feed her at all, the cow will lose the habit of eating - only bones and skin will remain, but how much can you get for the skin? It’s bad, of course, without a cow, but oh well, why think for a long time - I’ll take up some kind of craft, you see, and I’ll feed myself.”
No sooner said than done, and he drove the cow to the market. His wife saw him and shouted after him:
“If you sell the cow, buy me a skirt, even if it’s not a ruffled one!”
- I’ll buy it, so be it, I’ll buy it! But first of all, I’ll get hold of some food! - the husband responded, and he quickly left for the outskirts.
He sold the cow immediately. I bought a calendar and a roast goose, put everything in my bag, spent the rest of the money in the tavern, and sat there until the morning.
And the wife, waiting for her husband, lit the stove. She was tired in the warmth, and she thought: “What do I need old clothes for if my husband buys new ones?”
She took off all her old clothes, threw them into the fire, and was left in just her shirt. The clothes and firewood burned, the stove went cold, and the hut went cold, while the husband was still sitting in the tavern. And the stupid wife behind the stove in only a nightgown was shivering from the cold.
Finally, dear hubby showed up. As soon as he is at the door, his wife shouts:
- Dear hubby, quickly give me a new skirt!
-What kind of skirt would you like? I didn't buy it.
- What have you done, damn it! I told you to buy whatever you want, even if it’s not assembled!
“But I brought the goose, I’ll give you a try too, just shut up!”
Now the only thing left for the wife to do is sit at the stove in just a shirt and keep quiet - how can she appear in public without a skirt! Thank you also, my husband gave her a piece of goose out of his generosity. But my husband only needs one thing - just to sit and keep quiet about his magic book, where there are only squiggles, circles and sticks of all kinds, and in those signs it is said about everything that is happening in the world. And he announced in the village that he could guess everything, he could find any loss, just let them ask. He took the magic book - or, simply put, a calendar - and placed it upside down in front of him, because he didn’t know how to read, and he assumed such self-importance as if he had read all the books in the world and gulped down a sea of wisdom. For a long time, however, no one came to him. But one day he was sitting at the table, and suddenly a neighbor broke into his hut.
- Oh, trouble, dear neighbor! - he yelled from the doorway.
- Why are you, brother, barging in like some kind of ignoramus! Is this how they come to the prophet? Go out, knock, and when you hear “Come in!” (I’ll tell you this), therefore, come in and take off your hat, don’t forget. Then talk to me, and more politely, as gentlemen talk to themselves. Remember: before you is a prophet!
What can you do, the neighbor came out, and then bowed and spoke:
- Master Prophet, I lost a pair of oxen, do you know who stole them? I will pay you twenty ducats and a measure of peas in addition. And my peas are excellent - grain to grain, not peas - pure gold!
“Well, the ignoramus, he would have bowed like that right away and would have done without any instructions.” Now take twenty ducats and peas. Your oxen will be found.
The neighbor was delighted, as if the oxen were already in his stable, and he brought peas and money.
- Come here and look, if you are not blind! This one with the crooked leg,” he pointed at the squiggle on the calendar, “untied your oxen at night.” If by tomorrow morning he doesn’t bring them to their place, you’ll see - and he’ll go lame on his other leg, then we’ll grab him by the crest.
It immediately spread throughout the village - so, they say, and so, the oxen will be found, and the lame will have to suffer. And who turned out to be the thief? Lame Kubo from the lower end of the village. He immediately appeared, not himself from fear, knocked as expected and bowed:
- Master prophet, master predictor, would you like to be at home?
- At home, I'm home. What do you want, your crooked soul? - the prophet met him.
And he responded:
- Oh, what can you take from the soul, how she sighed and grieved when her hands wanted to steal. Yes, you already know, I came to you about those oxen. No matter how bad I feel.
- What can you give me so that it doesn’t get worse?
- Oh, yes, I will gladly give you the same amount as your neighbor. Just try, be kind, so that everything will work out later.
Yes, it couldn’t have been better: the prophet had money, plenty of peas, and the oxen were there before dawn. So what do you think? Little by little, little by little, first one and then another in the village were found missing, and little by little the prophet’s wallet and pantry were filled.
The husband fed his wife regularly, but he didn’t want to buy clothes, he didn’t even buy a skirt without ruffles, he remembered one thing:
“Let him sit behind the stove, he won’t interfere with my craft.”
It was sad for the wife to sit at the stove without a skirt, although she now ate heartily - goose and pig meat, and you never know what she received from the offerings of her fellow villagers!
One day, a lady’s golden wedding ring disappeared from the castle. They looked for it and looked for it, but didn’t find it, they asked everyone, but no one knew even a hint where the ring was. There was a rumor that the lady from the castle was promising the finder a hundred ducats, and that the thief was threatening to have the thief wheeled. Following the rumor, the servant came from the castle. He burst into the prophet’s hut and immediately wondered if he had heard about the loss in the castle and whether he would have found that loss if he was such a clairvoyant.
“What is missing from your mistress,” says the prophet, “I know even without you.” But you are extremely ignorant if you don’t know that you should bow to the prophet.
And he put him out. Only when he politely knocked and bowed did the prophet let him in and spoke like this:
“The noble ladies don’t know that it’s not proper for a prophet to go to great gentlemen on foot.” They'll send a droshky for me, then I'll come.
The lady from the castle sent a droshky. The Prophet, with an open calendar in his hands, sat importantly in the droshky; So I drove up to the castle. There he demanded separate chambers for himself, seven days of time, and that he be served the finest dishes and sweet drinks in abundance until he could figure out where the ring had gone.
The lady ordered to do everything as he said. She was already in charge of everything in the castle, and then her husband left for a week.
The amiable prophet was fattened up like a spider, he drank like a barrel, and kept scurrying around in all corners.
And his wife sat sadly at home behind the stove in the cold and hunger. But it’s not in vain that they say - you’ll start casting spells like there’s nothing to put on your teeth. When she had eaten everything in the house, she went out onto the road in just her shirt - straight to the castle, to her husband. And the servant, who came and came for the prophet as a messenger, was glad to spite the prophet, took his wife and let him in. Where could the husband go? He told her to sit quietly, promised her a hearty meal - here, they say, they bring food to the table - they don’t count it.
“Now look carefully,” he says, “here comes the first one!”
It was the first servant with dinner walking up the stairs towards him.
At these words, the servant began to shake, it was he who had stolen the ring, not alone, however, but he didn’t even think about the others now, he realized that the prophet was pointing at him. The second servant arrived after him with a dish.
- Here, little wife, is the second one!
And this servant trembled with fear. And then the third one appeared.
- Well, I didn’t tell you that we’ll wait for the third!
The third servant, as soon as he had time to put the tray on the table, immediately fell at the prophet’s feet and begged:
- Eh, why hide it, since you know everything, the three of us stole the ring. How could you not take it if it just asked to be put in your pocket? We pray to you, save us sinners, we will not remain in debt, we will have a hundred ducats. And our mistress will be delighted when the ring appears before her husband’s arrival.
“I immediately thought of you,” the man said importantly, as if he were some kind of patriarch. “And this evening I have no doubts left.” I feel sorry for you, but in this manner I decided to get you through. Tomorrow, if they didn’t confess, it would be the end for you! Well, if you don’t listen to me, you won’t be able to protect yourself from trouble. Bring the money now, and in the morning give the ring to the biggest turkey in the poultry yard, let him swallow it. What happens next is my concern.
They immediately gave him the money, but all night they tossed and turned - what awaits them tomorrow? And the prophet slept peacefully through the night.
And the next morning the whole idea almost went to waste, the lady did not want the handsome turkey to be slaughtered - they say, where does a turkey come from with a ring?
“If you feel sorry for the turkey, you will be left without a ring, all the signs point to him,” the prophet stood his ground.
She resigned herself, and lo and behold, there was a gold ring in the turkey’s crop. The lady counted out one hundred ducats to the prophet and ordered him to leave before her husband arrived.
“I’m in a hurry, I’m in a hurry,” answered the prophet, “but how can I go in broad daylight, disgrace myself in front of people, take my wife in just a shirt, and even then in a torn one?”
She told the lady to give her her most elegant red dress. So they both rode off, the prophet and his wife, with a proud look in the droshky from the castle.
And at the gate the owner of the castle met them and was surprised: who is this who is riding in the most beautiful outfit of his wife? There was nowhere to go, I had to admit everything.
“If you are such a prophet, I will check you too,” the master said to this.
A rich meal was prepared. They roasted a turkey and invited twelve more neighbors to a feast. Twelve different dishes were served on platters, and the thirteenth dish was covered. And on that platter there was food that the master had brought with him, and that year it had not yet been served on the table. You had to guess at once what was under the lid. But the prophet neither in his dreams nor in his spirit knew this.
- Well, speak quickly! - the gentleman pressed on him.
- Eh, Cancer, you jumped, jumped, and finally jumped! That's it, the end has come for you! - the prophet sighed sadly, his name was Cancer.
And the gentleman exclaimed in surprise:
- Well, you’re clever!
He took off the lid, and under it was a huge sea crayfish, boiled red-hot in boiling water.
Everyone was amazed and their eyes widened—now at the red sea crayfish, now at the wise prophet. They say that the guests, the gentlemen, who came to the castle, each paid another hundred ducats to the prophet, and then he was taken home with honor, because it was not wise to walk.
The prophet got along well, but he had to hang around with his stupid wife, so he gave her intelligence, fortunately he didn’t have to occupy his mind himself. So they lived, lived, and chewed bread. It’s a well-known fact that it’s hard to make money, but any fool can live with money.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru