- Get up, wife! - said pop Slick to the pope. “Let’s load our property onto a donkey, take our children and go to heaven!”
They did so, told the children to go ahead and set off. Whether they have walked a lot or a little, they suddenly see Adam coming towards them.
- Hey, father, may the meeting be a good one! Where are you going with your whole family, your whole house? - I’m going to heaven. - What heaven? Are you crazy, have you lost your mind, priest? Until a person dies or loses his life, how can he go to heaven? - And who are you that you show your ignorance? Well, tell me your name.” “You didn’t recognize me, or what?” After all, I am Adam! - Ah, is that you, Ado? The Lord created you with honor, gave you immortality and placed you in heaven. Everything that was good in the world was given to you, so that you could eat and drink for yourself and rejoice... But everything was not enough for you, you violated God’s commandment, ate the forbidden fruit, and plunged us into sin! After all, we are all tormented because of you, because of your sin. And yet you managed to go to heaven with your sins, but I can’t?
Pop Slick raised his staff as he rushed at Adam... Adam barely managed to dodge. But the priest moved on. How much have you walked, you never know - suddenly Matos-aga meets him. - Bless, father! - Be blessed, my son! - Where are you going, father! - I’m going to heaven. - What kind of heaven? Are you crazy, father? After all, until a person dies or loses his life, how can he go to heaven? - And who are you? - I am Matos-aga. - Hey, insatiable Mato! Didn’t God give you one hundred and ninety-nine years of life, but you didn’t think it was enough? I also began to ask God, and the Lord sent his angel to you, through him he conveyed: “Matos-aga, grab the ox’s neck with your hand: as many hairs as you grab with your hand, I will add so many years to your life!..”. And you, insatiable Mato, attacked the ox with your whole body. At this time, an angel of the Lord hit you on the head, so that your life flew away... It turns out that with all your greed you managed to get into heaven, but I can’t? Pop Slick swung his staff and Matos-aga barely managed to dodge.
Pop Slick went further, and the ancestor Noah met him. “Bless, father!” Where are you going? - Blessed be! And I'm going to heaven. - Stop being crazy, father! Where has it been heard that a person is going to heaven before he dies? - And who are you that you’re talking to me like that? - So I’m Noah, the ancestor. - Oh, who are you... You managed to deceive God, caused a flood to be sent to the earth, destroying all people, and you made your way to heaven?! Even if I burst, I’ll go to heaven!
The priest went further, and Patriarch Abraham met him. “Be a good meeting, priest Slick!” Where are you going? - I’m going to heaven. - Stop being crazy, father! Where has it been heard that a person is going to heaven before he dies? - Well, die for yourself if you like! If he had been a good man, he would not have killed his son... Otherwise he killed his young son and managed to get into heaven, but I can’t?! Here priest Slick swung his staff. Abraham started to run away from him. The priest went further, and the prophet Moses met him.
- Where are you going, priest? - I’m going to heaven. - You’re crazy, father! Where have you heard that people with their wives, children, and livestock go to heaven? A person must first die, lose his life, and only then will we talk about heaven. - And who are you that you give me instructions? - So I’m the prophet Moses! - Hey, lisping Moses, maybe you consider yourself a very righteous person? He deceived his people, led them into the desert, kept them there for forty years, almost killed them all... If he really was such a righteous man, why did he die on the top of a mountain without ever seeing the promised land? Well, get lost! If I don't take the staff, I'll break your legs! Pop Slick swung. Moses ran away. But the priest moved on.
He walked a little, and the prophet David met him. “Where are you going, father?” “I’m going to heaven.” “Let your house not be destroyed, priest!” Where have you heard this: go to heaven with your wife, children, and livestock? Have you gone crazy, or what? - Well, tell me your name, I’ll see what kind of person you are? - Are you blind, or what, can’t you see - the prophet David is in front of you! - Make yourself blind, libertine Davo! Was it not you, having forty wives, who killed Uriah in order to take possession of his wife too? And after that you found yourself in heaven, but I can’t?! Walk, wife, the grave of Saint Karapet is my witness: I will make my way to heaven with my children, my wife, and my cattle!
They went further along the road. And suddenly someone stood in front of the donkey and shouted angrily: “Hey, who are you, walking on the road without permission with your children, your wife and your cattle?” “And I’m Pop Slick.” I took my children, my wife and my donkey, and I’m going to heaven with them. “Well, wrap it up, come back now, or I’ll take your soul out of you!” Where has it been heard that a man with his wife, children and livestock goes to heaven?! - And who are you that you raise your voice at me? - Are you blind in both eyes, can’t you see who’s in front of you? I am the Archangel Gabriel, whom God sends to the souls of people when the time has come for them to die. - Hey, crazy Gaveau, that you blindly kill a thousand innocent people a day! That means you can go to heaven, but I can’t! Here priest Slick waved his staff, as if he would rush at Gabriel, as if he would hit him on the ankles... Archangel Gabriel jumped up, limping and skipping, barely ran away, and priest Slick moved on.
They walked a long way, you never know, when suddenly white walls and white buildings loomed in the distance. “Listen, wife,” says Father Slick, “it’s only like we reached heaven.” Let's sit down, have a little snack, rest, and then get up and go to heaven.
They sat down, ate and drank, rested, then got up and went to those white walls and buildings. But before they had time to approach the walls, suddenly someone stood in front of them and asked: “Who are you and where are you going?” “I am Pop Slick.” This is my priest, this is my children, and this is my donkey, on which I loaded my property. We are all going to heaven together. “Are you right, father?” After all, after all, he was a priest, he learned to read and write, you understand what is written in black and white in the Bible... Don’t you really know that until a person dies, until he is buried, so that he goes to the other world, there can be no talk of heaven?! - So, after all, we have reached the doors of heaven! You can’t! - Who are you? At least tell us your name. - I am Jesus Christ. - May your house collapse, as it has already collapsed! If you had been so righteous during your life, they wouldn’t have caught you, they wouldn’t have crucified you on the cross! Turn around, wife, let's go back. May God destroy to its foundations a paradise to which man has no access.
Then priest Slick took his wife and children, his donkey with his property loaded on it, and returned home sad and angry with nothing.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru