In Florida, almost every hunter, logger, or fisherman who lives in the swamp, forest, or lakeside can tell you about Papa Mansion if you can get them to have a frank conversation. You will be holding your stomach laughing because the stories about Papa Menshen are all like that.
He was a miracle, what kind of person. Strong, like the famous hammerman John Henry. Could work with a ten-pound hammer cleaner than a machine. He was smarter than everyone else by three thousand miles. At least that's what Floridians in Paulk County say.
However, this was not the first time that Father Menshen had trouble with the Florida sheriffs. This time it seemed to be about the fact that he was selling bitter snake meat for chops, or cutting down wood where it was not supposed to, or something else like that. In a word, all the sheriffs in the state of Florida were catching Papa Menchen, and after a long hunt, three of them finally caught him.
One of them was called Moonlight Cooligan, another was Crocodile McNutt, and the third was simply Sour Face. The third one really had the most sour and elongated face in all of Florida. But even this nickname could not convey all the gloom and gloom of his character. He never laughed, never even smiled, since he was born. And all night long he dreamed of only one thing: how to put someone in a damp dungeon.
The other two were ordinary people, they tried out of patriotic duty, and to earn money.
Sour Face had a grudge against Father Menshen and swore that if he put him behind bars, he wouldn’t let him out until the end of the world. When these three caught the unlucky criminal, Sour Face told him everything straight out so that he would have no doubts left.
Walking along the road with the three sheriffs, Father Menshen thought deeply, realizing that this time, no matter how one looks at it,
he got caught. He scratched his head until his head ached from all sorts of thoughts. Then he turned to the sheriff.
- Mister Chief Sour Face! - he said. “Actually, I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.” Of course, you can put me in prison and keep me there until the end of time. What do I care? Do as you please. But I have to tell you something. You are dissatisfied with everything because you have the most dissatisfied face I have ever seen. Such a face that seems to say: “I have never known a single happy moment.” This is what ruins your character, Sheriff. And if you could laugh heartily just once, all your discontent would instantly evaporate, I guarantee you. It's like drinking. Let's come to an agreement! If I make you laugh, or at least put a smile on your face, this time you will let me go, and I will promise never to commit any illegal offenses in the future. If I fail, keep me locked up in a cage for at least a hundred years. May I spend the rest of my days in a damp dungeon if I don’t make you laugh at least once.
Messrs. sheriffs Moonlight Cooligan and Crocodile McNutt happily jumped at this offer. However, Sour Face thought for a long time before making up his mind. Laughter was as close to him as a chicken to a fox.
But it’s not so easy to discourage the hunt if the Floridians get into something, and both sheriffs set their sights on Sour Face. They tried to convince him that a good laugh was more valuable than the Florida sun. Finally he relented.
Papa Menshen perked up, but unfortunately, he couldn’t come up with anything funny at that moment. And he scratched the back of his head again, only in a different place. Finally he said:
“I can’t think of anything funny.” I didn’t find the highlight, but it’s not torture to try! So, when the Lord God decided to create people, he decided to mold them from clay, just like bread is molded from dough.
He kneaded more clay, because he wanted to mold many, many people, like grains of sand at the bottom of the sea. Nale-
he drank all sorts of them, but when he got ready to put them in the oven, the oven turned out to be small, and he decided to bake them not all at once, but one by one. He put the first batch into the oven and quickly took them out. But due to inexperience, he took it out too soon. And they came out pale, half-baked, somehow yellow. Then he said: “Let them be yellow-faced Chinese.”
Then he cooked a second batch and put it in the oven too. This time he decided to wait properly. When he took it out, the batch turned out to be overcooked, crusty, and blackened. And he said, “Let these blacks be Africans.” And he picked up all the crumbs and chewed them for a long time: “Champ, champ, champ, champ, champ, champ, champ, champ...”
Papa Mansion continued to chug-champ-chug until all three sheriffs got tired of it and Crocodile McNutt cried out:
“For the love of God, stop slurping and move on to the next game.” What happened to them?
“With them,” Father Menshen continued slowly, “this batch waited so long that it went sour, and he left it raw and did not bake it.” It was from this that the sheriffs came out with sour faces.
Moonlight Cooligan and Crocodile McNutt burst out laughing when they heard this story, and in the end Sheriff Sour Face started laughing too.
They had to release Father Menshen, as agreed.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru