Billy Mac Daniel, probably, was once young and showed promise: he danced dashingly at a holy holiday, could easily drink a pint or two, knew how to deftly work with a baton. He was afraid of only one thing - what if he had nothing to drink? And he cared only about one thing - who will pay for the drink? And I didn’t think about anything but fun.
Whether he was drunk or sober, he always had a strong word and a well-aimed blow - by the way, the best way to start and end an argument.
The only bad thing is that this same Billy Mac Daniel was afraid, cared and thought about only one thing, and therefore found himself in bad company. And rest assured, there is nothing worse than good people who find themselves in bad company!
It so happened that one clear, frosty night, shortly after Christmas, Billy was returning home alone. The round moon was shining. And although it was such a night as one could only dream of, he was completely chilled.
“Indeed,” he said, chattering his teeth, “a sip of good wine would not hurt a person dying from the cold.” I wouldn’t mind even a whole glass of the best wine right now!
“Well, you don’t have to ask twice, Billy!” - said a little man in a red cocked hat trimmed with gold braid, and with huge silver buckles on his shoes, so huge that it seemed simply a miracle how he could walk in them.
And he handed Billy a glass as tall as himself, filled with such wonderful wine that you have hardly ever seen or tasted.
- For your success, my little friend! - said Billy Mac Daniel, not at all embarrassed, although he knew very well that the little man belonged to the unclean. - To your health! And most respectfully thank you. It’s important who pays for the drink,” he picked up the glass and drained it to the bottom in one gulp.
“Success, success,” said the little man. “And I’m heartily glad to see you, Billy.” Just don’t think that you will be able to trick me like others. Get it, get your wallet! Pay like a gentleman.
- What? Should I pay you? - Billy was indignant. - Yes, I can take you and put you in my pocket, like some kind of currant.
“Billy Mac Daniel,” said the little man, very angry, “you will be my servant for seven years and one day!” This is how you and I will get even. So get ready to follow me.
Hearing this, Billy already began to regret that he had spoken so impudently to the little man and, without knowing why, he suddenly felt that he had to follow him everywhere. All night long, without a single break, he followed him up and down, through hedges and ditches, through swamps and thickets. And when it began to get light, the little man turned to Billy and said:
“You can go home now, but be careful, Billy, if you dare not show up at the ramparts this evening.” Just try, you'll see, it'll be worse for you! And you will be a good servant to me, and I will be a good master to you.
Billy Mac Daniel went home. And although he was tired and completely exhausted, he never slept a wink, still thinking about the little man. However, he was afraid not to carry out his orders and in the evening he got up and went to the ramparts. As soon as he got there, a little man came up to him and said:
“Tonight, Billy, I'm going to make a long journey. So saddle my horse. You can also take a horse for yourself, you’ll go with me, otherwise you’re probably tired after last night’s walk.
Billy thought it was very nice of his master and thanked him in return.
“But forgive me, sir,” he said, “that I dare to ask you, where is your stable?” Nearby I don’t see anything except this rampart, some old hawthorn there in the corner of the field, a stream flowing at the foot of the hill, and this swamp opposite us.
- Don't ask questions, Billy! - said the little man. “Go to the swamp and bring me two of the strongest reeds you find.”
Billy obeyed, but thought to himself in surprise: why would the little man do this? He cut off two of the thickest reeds he could find, each with a brown flowering head sticking out of its stem, and brought them to his master.
- Get in, Billy! - said the little man, taking one reed from him and sitting astride it.
- But where, your honor, should I get into? - Billy asked.
“On a horse, that’s how I am, where else,” answered the little man.
“You must be taking me for a fool,” said Billy, “if you make me sit astride some reeds.” Do you really want to assure me that this reed that I just picked in that swamp is the horse?
- Get in! Get in! “No talking,” said the little man, looking very angry. “The best horse you’ve ever ridden, and it doesn’t hold a candle to this one.”
Well, Billy thought it was a joke, but he was afraid to anger his owner and sat astride the reeds.
- Borram! Borram! Borram! - his master shouted three times, which in human language means to grow, to increase. Billy repeated after him. The reeds began to grow and grow, and finally turned into magnificent horses and rushed at full speed. And then Billy found himself sitting on the horse backwards, because when he sat on the reeds, he simply didn’t think about what he was doing. It was quite uncomfortable to sit with your nose to the horse's tail, but the horse took off so quickly that it was no longer possible to turn over and all that was left was to hold on to his tail more tightly.
Finally the journey ended, and they stopped at the gates of a rich house.
“Now, Billy,” said the little man, “do everything exactly as I do and follow me.” And since you were unable to distinguish the horse’s head from its tail, remember, you should not turn your head until you can tell for sure whether you are standing on your head or on your feet: remember, old wine can make even a cat talk, but it can also make a person dumb.
Here the little man uttered several wonderful words, which Billy did not understand, but nevertheless managed to repeat after him. And both climbed through the keyhole of first one door, then another, until finally they found themselves in a wine cellar in which all kinds of wines were stored.
The little man got drunk as hell. Billy didn’t want to lag behind him in anything and drank too.
- You are the best gentleman in the world, really! - Billy said to the little man. “I don’t care who’s next.” I really like serving with you if you continue to give me a good drink.
“I haven’t entered into any deals with you,” said the little man, “and I don’t intend to.” Get up and follow me!
And they went home through the keyholes. Each climbed onto the reeds left at the front door, and before the words could escape their lips: “Borram, Borram, Borram!” - how both were already galloping, throwing clouds in front of them like snowballs.
When they returned to the ramparts, the little man released Billy, ordering him to appear at the same place and at the same hour the next evening. So they rode about one night here, another there, sometimes to the north, sometimes to the east, sometimes to the south, until in all of Ireland there was not a single worthy wine cellar left that they had not visited. Moreover, they now knew the bouquet of all the wines that were stored in these cellars, perhaps better than the butlers themselves.
And then one evening, when Billy Mac Daniel, as usual, met the little man on the ramparts and was about to head to the swamp to get horses for another ride, his master said to him:
“Billy, today I will need another horse, it may happen that we will return in more company than we are going there.”
And Billy, who now knew very well that he shouldn’t ask questions, did not wait for his master’s orders, but went and brought another reed. He couldn't wait to find out who would be returning to their company.
“Maybe my brother is a servant,” Billy thought. “Then he’ll go to the swamp to get the horses every single evening.” And I’m no worse than my master, in my opinion, I’m as true a gentleman as he is.”
That's it. And off they went. Billy led the third horse, and they did not stop once on the road until they reached a nice farmhouse in County Limerick. It stood just below the old castle of Carrigoganiel, which was said to have been built by the great Brian Boru himself. There was a real feast going on in the house, and the little man stopped for a minute at the door to listen. Then he suddenly turned to Billy and said:
“You know, Billy, tomorrow I’ll be exactly a thousand years old!”
- What are you talking about? Well, God bless you,” Billy says.
- Never repeat those words, Billy! - The old man was scared. “Otherwise I’m lost, and it’s all by your grace.” “And he continued: “Listen, Billy, since tomorrow marks a thousand years since I’ve been alive in this world, I think it’s about time I got married, huh?”
“I think so too,” Billy agreed. - Without a doubt, even if you really intend to get married.
“That’s why I dragged myself here to Carrigoganiel,” said the old man. “Tonight in this very house young Darby Riley is going to marry Bridget Rooney.” She is tall and pretty, and from a good family, and so I decided to marry her myself and take her with me.
“What will Darby Riley say to this?” - Billy asked.
- Shut up! - said the little man and looked at him very sternly. “I didn’t bring you here to ask me questions.”
And without further explanation, he muttered those same wonderful words with the help of which he crawled through the keyhole as easily as air. And Billy thought he was so amazingly smart that he managed to repeat them after him.
They both entered the house, and in order to get a better look at the guests, the little man fluttered, like some kind of sparrow, onto a thick beam that ran across the entire ceiling above the heads of the feasters. Billy followed suit and sat down on the other beam, facing him. But since he was not very used to sitting in such places, his legs dangled awkwardly in the air, and it was quite clear that in this matter he did not manage to exactly follow the example of the little man - he sat bent over. If he had been a tailor all his life, he could not have made himself more comfortable than this, with his legs tucked under him.
So they sat there, master and servant, and looked down at the feasters. And below them sat the priest and the piper, Darby's father Riley with Darby's two brothers and his uncle's son. Bridget Rooney's father and mother were sitting there. This couple was very proud of their daughter that evening. Well, the old people had every right to do this! Then the bride’s four sisters in brand new ribbons on their hats and her three brothers - so washed and smart looking, like three boys from Munster. There were also uncles and aunts, and gossips, and all sorts of cousins - in general, there was enough, the house was packed. And the table was simply bursting with food and drink. Even if there were twice as many people, there would be enough for everyone.
And at that very moment, when Mrs. Rooney reverently began to take the first piece of pig's head with white cabbage, the bride suddenly sneezed. Everyone sitting at the table shuddered, but not one said: “God grant you good health!” Everyone thought that the priest would do this, as he should according to his duty. No one wanted to open their mouths to say a word, because, unfortunately, all their mouths were occupied with a pig's head and greens. And a minute later, jokes and fun continued at the wedding table. There was no holy blessing.
However, Billy and his master, from the height of their position, did not remain indifferent observers to this incident.
- Ha! - the little man exclaimed and kicked with joy one leg, which he pulled out from under him.
His eyes darted and lit up with a strange light, and his eyebrows rose and curved like a Gothic vault.
- Ha! - he said, glancing maliciously down at the bride and up at Billy. - She’s already half mine! Let me just sneeze two more times, I won’t look at the priest, or the hymnal, or Darby Riley - mine, and that’s all!
Pretty Bridget sneezed again, but so quietly and at the same time she blushed so much that, except for the little man, almost no one noticed it or pretended not to notice. And no one even thought to tell her: “God bless you with good health!”
And all this time Billy did not take his eyes off the poor girl, and deep sadness was written on his face. He kept thinking: how terrible it is that such a pretty young nineteen-year-old girl, with huge blue eyes, soft skin and dimples on her cheeks, bursting with health and fun, should marry a little freak who was almost a thousand years old!
Just at this decisive moment the bride sneezed for the third time, and Billy shouted at the top of his lungs:
- God bless you with good health!
Why this exclamation escaped him - either because he felt sorry for the bride, or simply out of habit - he himself could not really explain. And as soon as he said this, the little man flushed with rage and disappointment, jumped from the beam on which he was sitting, and, shouting shrilly, like a broken bagpipe: “I fire you, Billy Mac Daniel, and get your reward!” - gave poor Billy such a hefty kick in the ass that the ill-fated servant sprawled face down, arms to the sides, in the very middle of the festive table.
If Billy was surprised, then you can imagine what the amazement of the feasters was when he was unceremoniously dumped right on top of them. But he told them his story, and Kuni’s father put aside his knife and fork and immediately, without moving from his place and wasting no time, married the newlyweds.
And Billy Mac Daniel danced the rinka at their wedding, and they treated him to glory, which, in his opinion, was better than dancing.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru