It was at that time that the great Don Jose Lopez, nicknamed the Knight of Love because all his thoughts always revolved around love, performed his glorious exploits in those places where present-day California is. When someone got into trouble, he called all the holders of the order to his estate - the hacienda. And they were people of an aristocratic family, descendants of those Spaniards who were the first to settle on American soil. They rode only on horseback and remained firmly faithful to the head of their order, Don Lopez, the Knight of Love. Don Jose asked them to guard his hacienda during his absence, sat astride his flying palm tree and hurried to deeds of love.
In between his exploits, he accomplished other things. He was the first to grow peppers on California soil and learned to make the famous tortillas. He got the coyote to sing Spanish folk songs, in which the chorus each time ended with “Ay-yeeee” or “Ay-yeaaa.” It was he who first planted a giant redwood tree in California, and during a trip to Arizona he dug the Grand Canyon. Some, however, claim that it was dug by lumberjack Paul Bunyan's Little Blue Bull. But the evidence in favor of Don Jose and the Blue Bull is essentially equal. He is also credited with fanning the flames of the extinct volcano Lassen Peak and painting the Painted Desert, but these may be false rumors.
One thing is true - one fine day a Spanish ship with a hog and pigs on board arrived in the bay not far from the hacienda of Don Jose Lopez. And Don Lopez had the great idea of breeding pigs for the gentlemen of his order. He bought a hog and pigs from the Spaniards and began pig farming. Soon there are dozens of pigs and
the piglets ran across his land, so fat, healthy and happy that the heart and mustache of the great Knight of Love trembled with happiness when he looked at them.
When the time came to call the butcher to work to make pork, ham and bacon from the pigs, Don Lopez jumped onto his flying palm tree and flew and flew on it to calm his sick conscience. Finally he landed, put the roots of the palm tree back into the ground and informed his faithful comrades in the order that he would not allow a single pig to go to the sausage. Such an act, he declared, would be contrary to the very spirit of the Order of the Knights of Love.
The gentlemen, all as one, agreed, because they were not inferior to the head of their order in the tenderness of their hearts.
But, like it or not, there was not enough food; sometimes there were not enough tortillas and stuffed peppers. This made Don Lopez think seriously, and so he found a solution. Let the pigs be milked! He selected a group of his best workers and taught them how to milk pigs. As history says, these were the first people on earth who learned to milk pigs, drink pork milk and make cheese from it.
But there was something Don Jose Lopez had not foreseen. Trusting the pigs, he did not put a fence around his hacienda, and the pigs wandered around everywhere. And one day one of Don Jose’s favorite pigs left his native hacienda and wandered next door into the garden of the Spanish missionary priests. Of course, the pig dug up, trampled, and gnawed everything in the missionary garden. The Holy Fathers became so angry that they ordered their worker to shoot the pig, which he did.
Having received the tragic news, Don Jose was very upset. He convened the Knights of the Order of Love, and they decided to teach the holy fathers a lesson. Late at night, they sneaked into the mission and removed the large bell with which the missionaries called local parishioners and Indians to preach. They took the bell to Don Lopez's hacienda and hung it on two poles. From then on, the bell was rung when it was time to milk the pigs. The pigs very soon became accustomed to the ringing of the bell and, hearing it, ran to the barn to be milked. Even if they went far, far away from home, still, even from afar, they hurried to the ringing of the bells, squealing with joy and love.
This went on for many years. And every year new piglets were born. And since it was forbidden to kill pigs, teenage piglets, elderly pigs, granny pigs and even great-grandmothers, young squealers and old grumblers, fat and lean, ran around Don Lopez's land - in a word, so many pigs that there was nowhere to step.
Even the great Knight of Love himself, Don Jose Lopez, no matter how much he loved his pigs, realized that something had to be done. He discussed the problem with his faithful cavaliers, and together they decided that the hour of parting had come - several representatives of the swine family would have to get rid of. True, they did not come to this decision easily; they had a stone in their hearts, and there were tears in their eyes.
This spring, Don José Lopez and all the gentlemen of his order gathered together and surrounded the pigs on prancing horses. They were greatly helped in this matter by a coyote, whom Lopez became addicted to singing, for the pigs loved the coyote's song almost as much as the ringing of the bell stolen from the missionaries. The horsemen surrounded the hacienda and the pigs in a wide circle. Then they amicably persuaded them to move to the city, where they hoped to find a trusting buyer for them. And the pigs, very pleased and happy, ran forward, squealing with delight, because they thought they were performing in a parade.
The Great Knight of Love, Don José Lopez, and the faithful cavaliers of his order, led by grunting pigs, entered the city. On the way they had to pass the mission building, and just when they caught up with it, a loud ringing of a bell was heard. Everyone froze in amazement, including the pigs, of course. After all, the city bell tower was silent for so many years! But instead of the stolen bell, there was now a new one in its place, which rang even clearer and louder than before: “Bong! Ding! Dong!” And finally: “Bong! Bong! - he called the Indians and cattle breeders to mass.
The pigs pricked up their ears, raised their tails and headed towards the mission. They rushed there, thinking that this was their own pig barn, and the bell was calling them to milk.
They invaded the mission while the Sunday sermon had already begun. The Indians standing on the edge immediately fled. Famous parishioners rushed to the priest for help.
However, the holy fathers, seeing the approach of the pigs, tangled in their long clothes, ran away, only their heels sparkled. Then, having caught their breath, they gathered a council and decided to call the butcher for help.
In vain Don José Lopez and his cavaliers cried out and begged and begged for their pigs to be returned to them. Even the singing coyote did not help, they were not allowed to escape...
Meanwhile, a Yankee ship from New England was anchored in the harbor. The captain was waiting for the promised pork from the local cattle breeder, which he was going to deliver to China: the Chinese were very fond of sweet and sour pork ribs, fried pork with rice and pig tails.
And suddenly the captain hears some noise in the distance, the cries of the holy fathers, the tearful pleas of Don Jose and his cavaliers, the screams and lamentations of the parishioners and the squeal of a pig that drowns it all out. The captain rushes from the cabin onto the deck, deciding that a revolution has occurred.
- Raise the sails! - He rather gives a command. - Weigh anchor!
Before he had time to give the command, the ship was already sailing from the shore into the open sea, and the ship's bell was sounding the alarm.
The pigs gathered in the mission, hearing the ringing, raised their tails, and all, as one, rushed to run to the harbor to the calling ringing of the ship's bell. Puffing and snuffling, squealing and grunting, they rushed towards the bay. Without hesitation, pausing only for a moment to once again hear the call of the ship's bell, they rushed into the water and swam towards the retreating ship.
According to the stories of one sailor, whose name remains unknown, they were last seen off the coast of the Hawaiian Islands.
The Great Knight of Love, Don José Lopez, was so killed by the sight of the swimming pigs, whom he had raised and nurtured with love, and now they were swimming away from him without even saying the last “goodbye”, that he barely made it to his hacienda. When he finally arrived there, he sat and cried for a long time and cried so many tears that his associates collected all his tears in irrigation canals, the same canals that formed the basis for the design of the current California Central Irrigation System.
His faithful companions, swallowing tears, tried in vain to console him. With a stone in his heart, Don José Lopez dug up the roots of his flying palm tree. Covered in tears, which flowed in streams from his eyes, forming a thick fog that has not dissipated over the shores of California to this day, he flew away and was never seen again.
He did his job on earth, and although the last chapter of his life is sad, pig milk to this day brings true joy to piglets.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru