Once upon a time, two men lived in the same yard: one poor, the other rich. The poor man has only a piglet, and it is not fed. The rich man has a herd of well-fed pigs. The men, as you already know, lived in the same yard, and the skinny pig got into the habit of running to the rich man three times a day: when he grabbed barley, and when he drank from the trough. The rich man was tired of enduring such robbery, he took a club, and when he cracked the pig on the forehead, he stretched out his leg where it should have been.
The poor man went to the judge with a complaint. And the rich man talks about his damages to the judge, he doesn’t want to pay the poor man for the pig. The judge cannot reconcile them.
“Okay,” the judge finally decided. “Both of you have suffered damage, but the one who will win by tomorrow morning will solve my riddle: what is the fattest, what is the fastest and what is the cleanest in the world?”
The men returned home and hung their noses. The wife meets a rich man:
- What are you doing, like you’ve been submerged in water?
“At least don’t interfere,” he snaps. - The devil - even he can’t guess! The judge gave us a riddle and said that the one who solves it will win.
- What kind of riddle?
- What is the fattest, what is the fastest, what is the cleanest in the world?
- I found something to rack my brains about, you such a klutz! How did you not guess right away? What could be fattier than our khavronya? Faster than our horses? Cleaner than our well? After all, we throw two pounds of salt there every year! Do you understand everything?
- I’m right, little wife! - the rich man was delighted, his mouth stretched to his ears, as if he had already won the argument.
And the poor man also returned home. The only sixteen-year-old daughter rose from the table to meet him. I looked at my father and immediately realized that things were bad for him.
- What's wrong with you, father? Did they really lose the trial? This is worse for us than thunder on a clear day!
- And I didn’t lose, but I didn’t win! - the father answers and tells how it happened.
“It’s okay, father, don’t worry, I’ll think of something by morning,” the daughter said, and with that they went to bed.
In the morning, the daughter whispered something in her father’s ear, the poor man was delighted and walked to the judge. And there the rich man is already waiting and is the first to approach the judge.
You should have seen how he scratched the back of his head when the judge just waved his hand at his answers and ordered him not to bother with such nonsense anymore!
- Well, what did you think? - The judge turned to the poor man.
“I ask the noble gentleman to listen to what I say: the fattest is our mother earth, because she feeds us all, the fastest is the clear month, it circles the entire earth in the sky in four weeks, and the clearest is the sun, because it shines equally on everyone.”
- Well done! - the judge pats the poor man on the shoulder. - Your top. The rich neighbor didn't dare kill your pig. I award you his sow as a reward.
That's where the trial ended.
The rich, proud man slowly left the court. Never in his wildest dreams did he dream that the judge would wipe his nose like that. The poor man began to leave, and the judge called him back.
“You,” he says, “didn’t guess the riddles yourself; many smart people, even among rich gentlemen, racked their brains, but they never solved them.” Don’t deny it, tell me who taught you?
Why should a poor man hide? He openly answers: so, they say, so, my own daughter thought about everything at night, and in the morning she whispered in my ear.
“Well, if your daughter is so smart,” said the judge, “take her a bunch of flax, let her wash it in three days, soak it, dry it, comb it, spin it, and weave linen from the yarn, bleach the linen, and from that linen sew a white wedding shirt.” If she fulfills everything, I will take her as my wife, but if not, I will pass a sentence on her so that she does not meddle in my judicial affairs and does not interfere with my trial. Now get out of my sight!
The poor man got away! He goes and is sad, it would be better if he didn’t go to this trial or lose it three times! You can sew a shirt from a bunch of flax, and in three days! Where has this been seen, where has it been heard? He told his daughter everything, but she didn’t even blink an eye, she just broke off a thin twig from the tree, gave it to her father and said:
- Take it, father! - Yes, go to Mr. Judge and tell me, if by morning he makes me a grinder, a spindle, a spinning wheel, a loom, and everything else that is needed, then I will certainly carry out his order!
The judge realized who he was going to compete with! So, or otherwise, and how? We don't know. But only he carried out her order. In response, she sent him a wedding shirt on the third day.
“Okay,” the judge says to the father, “if your daughter is such a craftswoman, let her come to the wedding.” But only not during the day, not at night, not on foot, not on horseback, but not on the road, not in a dress, not without a dress, and let her carry a gift, but not a gift!
Only this was not enough for the poor man!
He shakes his head, and his father’s daughter reassures him, saying not to worry, she says, she will do everything. And our judge has been glued to the window since that hour, can’t wait for the girl to appear. He had long ago heard that no one could compare with her in intelligence or beauty.
On the third day, at dawn, when everyone was still sleeping, the judge stood at the open window and saw the poor man’s daughter appear. And it’s true - it was not during the day, and not at night, because only dawn had broken, and she was not on foot, and not on a horse, but was sitting on a goat, with her feet resting on the ground, and the goat wandered not along the road or without a road - but along a rut, and the girl was neither dressed nor undressed: she had a net thrown over her, an apron was belted, and under the apron was a gift, or maybe not a gift. The judge sends a maid to meet her with a wedding dress.
The beautiful girl changed her clothes, entered the judge’s room, and presented two white doves. The judge wants to take them in his hands, but they flap their wings and fly out the window. And the gift - and it’s gone!
“Well, my darling,” says the judge, “from this moment we are husband and wife, only you are smart, and I’m not simple.” So think about it, why do I need such a wife if she starts interfering in my judicial affairs? I strictly order you not to poke your nose into my affairs. And if I notice, I’ll kick you out of the house that same day, I won’t regret it.
The girl agreed, and then they got married.
They lived like two doves, but only until the wife got involved in her husband’s judicial affairs. Apparently, it was destined for her.
Two travelers once appeared before the judge's eyes. One drove a herd of horses from the market, the other a herd of oxen, and both spent the night in the field. The mare foaled at night. The foal wandered to the oxen, where the driver found it, but did not want to return it to its owner. They both came to complain to fate. The judge listened to them and awarded the foal to the ox driver. Apparently, he oiled him up better.
- Damn such truth! - the driver swears. The judge's wife heard his words.
- Why, good man, are you sad? - asks.
“How can I not be sad, we came to court, and your judge has his own truth: it seems that it was not a mare who foaled, but an ox!”
And he told it like it is.
“Don’t worry, good man,” the judge’s wife reassures him. “Listen to me and everything will turn out well.” In the afternoon my husband will go for a walk in the meadow, near the stream. And you go there too, and take your scythe and fishing nets with you. He will come up to you, and you grab the scythe and mow the water, and then climb out onto the shore and catch fish in the grass with a net. My husband will see, he will start to find fault with you, he will call you an ass. And you answer: Oh, Master Judge, you would sooner cut grass in the water and catch fish in the grass than an ox foal! - if you tell him this, the foal will be yours. Just make sure you don’t give me away, otherwise I won’t live in this house anymore! I wish you well and seek the truth!
She said and ran to her husband. And she pretended to be so innocent, as if she didn’t know anything, didn’t know anything.
In the evening the judge went for a walk. And what does he see? The same driver mows the water and catches fish in the grass!
-What are you doing? You do everything topsy-turvy! - Oh, you donkey!
“You shouldn’t call me an ass, Mr. Judge,” the man replies. “It’s more likely to cut grass in the water and catch fish in the grass than for an ox to foal.”
The judge understood everything and got angry.
- How dare you laugh at my sentence? It wasn't your head that cooked this up. Tell me now, who taught you?
“So, this is... uh... um...,” the man can’t utter a word.
- No, speak up! Or you won't get your foal. I suppose my wife taught me a little!
The man realized that he couldn’t get away with it, and confessed everything.
“And even without you,” said the judge, “I guessed.” Go and tell the other one to give you the foal, as I ordered. Understood?
“I got it, sir, I got it,” the man jumped with joy and ran after his foal.
And the judge has cats scratching at his heart. In order to keep his word, he has to throw his wife out of the house, but he loves her more and more, his affectionate little turtle dove. And yet, returning home, he says:
- Well, wife, take what is most dear to you here and go away!
She didn’t object, she just asked to have dinner together one last time.
The judge agreed. Dinner was delicious and filling. The hostess adds everything to her husband. The judge ate his fill. Then he fell asleep. The judge sleeps like the dead, even if you sound the alarm.
And the wife already has the stroller harnessed and ready, she orders her husband to be put in the stroller, she sits next to him and rolls straight to his father. She jumped out of the stroller, made her rustic bed and put her husband to bed.
In the morning, the judge rubs his eyes, cannot understand anything - has his master’s chambers really turned into a peasant’s hut overnight?!
Then his wife comes up to him and says:
- Isn’t it true, dear hubby, you slept well? You see, even in a peasant hut one sleeps sweetly. Let's stay here forever.
-What are you doing? How dare you?
“You yourself allowed me to take with me what is most dear to me.” So I took you!
- Hmmm! - the judge thinks, - apparently, competing with my wife with intelligence is just a waste of time!
And everything went well for them again. They returned home and took her father with them! And all his life the judge was proud of his smart wife!
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru