So, our situation is like this: there lived a woman in the world and she had her only son. His name was Dura. The mother loved her son very much, and she nursed him this way and that, didn’t let him go anywhere, didn’t let him do anything. Dura grew up, never been anywhere, never saw anyone. He doesn't know anything and can't do anything.
One day, his mother finally had to send him to the public, and straight away to the fair. She herself had a pain in her leg. She explained everything to Durke, what to do and how to do it!
“Go,” he says, “son, to the fair.” Buy me a sieve to sow flour. The old one is completely worn out, and it’s time for it, I got it from my grandmother. Just be careful, don’t buy what’s common, but buy what’s rare. And so as not to forget, repeat all the way: a sieve is rare, a sieve is rare!
- A rare sieve, a rare sieve! - Durko repeated obediently and ran across the field to the fair.
And in that field the plowmen are plowing the land and are going to sow the crops. They heard a guy running, muttering something, and it seemed to them as if he was shouting:
- Rare life, rare life.
- Hey, fools, here we are! Why do you wish us a bad harvest? They grabbed a club and gave Dyurka a good beating.
“Now you’ll remember: you need to speak harder and more often!”
- Harder and more often! - Dureau repeated and continued running. I got to the tavern, and there were two guys beating each other up.
- Stronger and more often! - Durko shouts to them.
- Oh, you, so and so! More teasing! — the guys attacked him. - It would be better to remain silent! - And they gave him a beating.
Our Duro was completely at a loss. He completely forgot why his mother sent him. He ran to the fair, stood, stood, thought, thought, cried and went home.
- Are you crying, Dyurka? - asks the mother.
- Yes, they beat me up!
- For what?
- And I told them...
- What did he say?
- Yes, I forgot!
- You fool, you fool, you should have run away from them.
- So I ran and came home.
- Well done, I didn’t give you any money. Here, take the money and buy me... no, not a sieve, the old one will still serve, buy a frying pan with three legs. The old one is already worn out.
Dyurka is running, clutching money in his fist. I got to the city, grabbed a frying pan on three legs, threw the money on the ground and ran back. He sees a small bird jumping on the road. He's behind her. The bird goes into the bushes, Dura follows it, but something is stopping him. I looked and it was a frying pan!
“Oh, you three-legged thing, you’re still going to bother me!” - he shouts. - Go home yourself. You have three legs, but I only have two!
He put the frying pan on the ground and rushed after the bird again. I didn’t catch it and wandered home. At the door he asks:
- Mother, did the frying pan come home?
- Oh, you fool Duro, how will she come if her legs don’t move! This is how Dura the fool lives.
His mother doesn’t know what to do with him next. I thought and thought, and finally came up with an idea.
- We need to marry him. His wife will make a man out of him. She sent him to a viewing party in a neighboring village.
“Go,” he says, “to Halabala, to Katrusha, remember, her mother used to come to us.” They already know that you will appear. Sit quietly, otherwise you’ll do something stupid again.
Our Dura has gone, he’s wandering around the houses, he doesn’t know which one to enter. Fortunately, he sees Katrushin’s mother standing on the porch. She met him and invited him into the house. She wiped down the bench and sat Dura down at the table. For the first acquaintance, I baked hard-boiled eggs in ash. She put it on the plate and bowed ten times. Try it, dear guest. But Dura did not touch the treat. He sits humming something under his breath. What to do with it? Katrusha’s mother stuffed his testicles into his pockets and sent him home.
- Well, how is it, and what’s there? - Mother asks Dura.
- And what? Met and greeted. The bench was wiped down. And they baked the eggs in the ashes. Where are they? Yeah, here it is, in your pockets.
- Why didn’t you eat them?
“Well, you told me to sit quietly and quietly and didn’t punish anything else.”
- Oh, you foolish fool! You should peel the testicles, cut each one into four parts, put each piece on the tip of a knife, put it in your mouth and eat it. That's what should have been done!
“Okay, mother, okay, I’ll know another time.”
I went to the viewing for the second time. They boiled him some peas, just for fun, and served him in a bowl. Duras takes one pea at a time, peels each one, places it in front of him, and cuts it into four parts. He puts it on the tip of the knife, and lo and behold, all that’s left of the pea is a wet spot! Oh, for you! - thinks Dura.
And Katrusha, a distinguished girl, sits on the couch, covering her mouth so as not to burst out laughing.
Dura came home sulky and disheveled.
- Well, how are you?
- They're laughing at me there!
- Why is this so?
“I began to do as you ordered: I peeled the peas, cut them into four parts and put them on a knife...
He didn’t speak further, tears were running from his eyes.
“I won’t go anywhere else,” he says!
- Oh, you stupid thing, why don’t you go? It’s easy to help such a problem! You had to take a handful of peas and pour them into your mouth.
“So it’s really not a difficult matter,” Duras agreed. And he promised to go to the bride show one more time.
I came, and there the sheep pen was getting along. They dig holes in the ground with an iron crowbar to drive stakes into. Duras opened his mouth, stared, and looked:
- The work is not difficult! But we don’t have such scrap. Maybe I could use a crowbar to build a sheep pen.
OK. They gave him a crowbar. And he, stupid, grabbed it and started pushing it into his mouth. I just knocked out my teeth. With that, Dura ran home.
- Well, what again?
- Well, I did everything as you ordered. It was with a crowbar that he knocked out his teeth.
- What a fool you are, Dura! I had to put him on my shoulders and carry him home. And if it’s heavy, and there’s someone riding a horse and cart, you have to ask to be allowed to put it on the cart. Don’t go where the pens are set up, but sit next to Katrusha and better ask her for something.
Duret liked that Katrusha could give him something and he went to her again. Katrusha was sitting on a bench near the table and sewing. Dura sat down. At first, timidly on the edge. Then he got closer and closer and finally grew bolder and said:
- Give me something, Katrusha!
And she has nothing on her. So she gave him a needle.
Duras threw the needle over his shoulder and hurried home joyfully. The needle was light, but in his wise little head he decided that it was pulling his shoulder, because his mother said it would be hard.
A cart of hay catches up with Duras.
“Good people,” he shouts, “wait!” Allow me to put my crowbar on your cart.
They answer without looking back.
- Put it in the hay!
Fool Dura poked the needle into the hay. I reached my village, looked for a crowbar, but couldn’t find it. It was only then that the men realized that he had confused a needle with a crowbar!
- Oh, you, so and so! - they shout. “Because of you, an ox or a horse will fall, swallow a needle along with the hay, and that’s the end of it!”
They grabbed a stick and showed Dure the Fool where the crayfish spend the winter. Duras forcibly escaped and ran home. And at home my mother added:
“You’re such a fool, you’re such a fool, you can’t say another word!” You could stick a needle in your hat and bring it home!
- Oh mother, don’t be angry, I’ll do it another time.
The next week his mother sent him to the bride's viewing again. Now she ordered not from Katrusha, but from Katrusha’s parents to ask for something. Something to do around the house and bring his bride with him. And Katrusha’s parents say to him:
- If you are such a clever guy, then take the heifer from the barn.
Dura the fool went to the barn and untied the heifer. With one hand he pulled the hat off his head, with the other he grabbed the body by the horn and began to push it into the hat. The calf got scared and rushed into the yard, from the yard into the street and ran further and further, completely furious with fear. He follows her and shouts:
- Here, baby, here!
Nothing helps. Came home empty-handed.
- What did they give you, Dura?
- They gave me a heifer.
-Where is she?
- Where, where, I went for a walk around the world.
- What a fool you are, Dura! It was necessary to lead her on a rope. At home, put it in a stall and give it fresh hay so that it gets used to you!
- Why didn’t you tell me before?
- And now I’m telling you so that you know what to do! Well, don’t worry, the chick will come back! If they give you the chick, they will give you the bride too, just ask nicely!
Our Dura went to fetch the bride and took the rope with him. And there they laugh it off, saying whatever Katrusha herself wants. And for the sake of laughter, Katrusha grabbed Dyurka by the arm and walked away. He remembered what his mother told him. And he threw a rope over her! Jokes aside, Durka didn’t let Katrusha go. Fortunately, it was late in the evening and no one saw how Durka the fool was leading Katrushka on a rope. Duras brought his bride to the barn, tied her up, and shook her with fresh hay. Then he rushed to his mother and boasted:
- Mom, mom, they gave me a bride.
- Where is she?
- Like where? Everything was as you ordered: he brought him on a rope, put him in the barn and gave him fresh hay!
- Oh, you fool, you fool! Who does this? Are girls led on a rope? She needed to be hugged and kissed. Oh, you are my dear, good! - say. Take me by the hand and bring me into the house! I have already laid it out on the stove for you, lie down and sleep.
The poor mother sat down on a bench and wondered what to do next with her son.
Dura is not lazy, meanwhile he rushed out of the house and straight into the barn, behind the bride. But Katrusha didn’t wait, she got loose and put a goat in her place. She’s already sitting at home, making fun of the joke she allowed the fool to play on her.
Dura untied the goat, hugged him, kissed him: “You are my dear, good!” - speaks. He took it by the front legs, brought it home, and wants to put it on the stove. Suddenly he sees - and the bride has horns!
“Mother, mother,” he shouts, “does a bride have horns?”
Mother got tired of Dura the fool, didn’t listen to him, just say:
- They happen, they happen! Know yourself to sleep!
And the goat smacked the fool with its horn, began to scurry around, noticed, and jumped from the stove onto the bench, right on top of the mother.
- What are you doing, Dura? - the mother shouts.
- So it’s not me, but the bride! You told me to bring her into the house and lay her on the stove.
The mother turned on the light and saw that it was a horned goat!
- Well, you fool, it looks like you’ll have to marry someone as smart as yourself! - said the mother. “I’m already ashamed to appear in public!” Let your wife suffer with you! Let me hobble to Vrtyakov and woo their Zuzu for you.
The mother waited for the morning, got to Vrtyakov and really wooed their Zuzu for her Dura.
And soon the wedding took place. At night Dura woke up and said to Zuza:
- Wife, I’m thirsty!
- Go to the closet, there’s beer in the barrel, strain it and drink it!
Dura trudged into the closet. He grabbed a sieve, strained the beer into it, and couldn’t get it out. All the beer flowed out, but he still didn’t get drunk. He returned to his wife and complained:
- Oh, wife, the mug seems to have holes! All the beer flowed out, only a puddle remained.
- Go back to the closet. There is sand in the corner, take a bag and fill up the puddle.
Dura went to the closet. He grabbed a bag of flour and covered the puddle. He came back and said:
- Wife, why is our mother’s sand white and soft?
The wife rushed into the closet, saw what a fool he had done, and just threw up her hands.
- What a fool you are, Dura, you spilled the flour!
- And I, wife, still want to drink!
- Take a bottle of buttermilk on the shelf, and he’ll get drunk!
Duras drank all the buttermilk. And then he put both hands into the throat. Yes, how he will scream:
- Oh, wife, I can’t get my hands out!
- Bang the loudmouth on the bench!
- Bang!
The loudmouth hit Durka on the bench and hit the cat that was sleeping on the bench.
What happened next, I no longer know. Back then I carried water with my purse. The purse turned over, water splashed out, and the flood began. The water brought me here to you. I don’t know what happened to Dyurka. Maybe our fool is still found among people now?
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru