Once upon a time there lived a Dodger. All he did was cheat, cunning, deceive, dissemble, pull dust in the eyes of some, deceive others, lead others by the nose, in a word, he gave no rest to anyone.
And that country was ruled by a king who did nothing at all.
One day the Dodger was walking along the road and met the king.
-Where are you going, Dodger? - asks the king.
- Yes, I’m looking for someone to deceive.
- Come on, deceive me! What are you going to do?
- Where there! - says the Dodger. - Is it a joke to deceive the king himself! And besides, I left my best tricks at home.
- Well, go get them. I really want to see if you are as clever a rogue as people say. Well, go, go, and I'll wait for you here.
“I’m afraid Your Majesty will have to wait a long time.” I don't walk as fast as I cheat.
“And I will give you my horse and saddle,” said the king.
- Yes, I don’t even know how to sit on a horse. A horse is not a stump!
But the king really wanted the Dodger to show him his tricks.
“My servants will drop you off,” said the king, “but you’ll get there somehow!”
The rogue scratched the back of his head, thought and said:
- Okay, so be it, give me a ride!
Somehow the Dodger climbed onto his horse and trotted along the road.
Well, the royal retinue was amused, looking after him! And the king laughed right to the point of tears. Yes, and there was something to be done! The rogue kicked his legs, waved his arms, fell first on one side, then on the other - he was about to fall, but it was not known which side.
But as soon as he disappeared from the royal eyes, things immediately went well for him: he sat well in the saddle, spurred his horse and galloped into the city at full speed, as if he had stolen the horse and was being chased. And this was not far from the truth, because in the city he sold the royal horse along with the royal saddle, and he returned home as a pawn, but with a wallet filled to the brim with coins.
Meanwhile, the king kept walking up and down the road, waiting for the Dodger with his tricks. Every now and then he began to laugh, remembering how the Dodger shifted from side to side while sitting in the saddle. Well, just a bag of sand, not a rider!
However, time passed, and the Dodger did not return.
Now the sun has disappeared behind the forest, it has become completely dark, but the Dodger is still not there.
Then the king finally realized that the Trickster had simply deceived him and stole the horse from under his nose.
The king was very angry. Is it ever heard of that the Trickster deceived the king himself without any trickery!
“Tomorrow I will execute him,” the king decided.
And the Plut thought that the king, of course, would not let him do such a trick.
But since all the tricks at home were at his fingertips, he was not very afraid of the royal wrath.
The next day, in the morning, the Dodger lit a fire in the hearth and began to cook porridge in a pot.
And as soon as he heard that the king and his retinue were approaching his house, he took the hot pot out of the stove and put it on a wooden block. And he immediately squatted down and began stirring the porridge with a spoon.
The king opened the door and, seeing that the Dodger was cooking something on a wooden block, he was so surprised that he even forgot why he had come.
- Listen, Dodger, what are you doing? - asked the king.
“I’m cooking porridge,” answered the Dodger as if nothing had happened. “If Your Royal Majesty waits a little, I can treat my dear guests.”
“Wait,” said the king, “how do you cook porridge without fire?”
- What do I need fire for? - answered the Dodger. “In this pot, anything can be cooked without any fire, just have time to stir so that it doesn’t burn.”
And the Dodger began to diligently stir the spoon in the pot.
The king couldn't believe his eyes. He lifted the lid with his own hands and looked into the pot. That’s right, the porridge was very hot and delicious steam came from it.
“Listen, Plut,” said the king, “sell me this bowler hat.” I'll give you a hundred talers for it.
“Eh, no,” said the Dodger. “With this bowler hat I live like a king!” You don’t need to buy firewood, you don’t need to chop or saw either... Stir in the pot with a spoon - that’s all you have to worry about!..
The king really didn’t like that anyone else, besides him, lived like a king. And he became so angry that he even remembered why he came to the Dodger.
“That’s it, Plut,” the king said sternly, “don’t forget that you have offended me.” I understand perfectly well that yesterday you deceived me when you said that you left your tricks at home. Of course, they were with you. But I’m ready to forget the old things if you sell me this pot. Otherwise I will have you executed right now.
“Well, you don’t have to choose here,” said the Dodger. “And if you don’t want to, you’ll agree.” Okay, take the pot for a hundred thalers. And in addition to it, I can also give you a block of wood.
“I don’t need a blockhead,” said the king. “I already have enough blockheads.” Let it stay for you.
The king returned to the palace and immediately invited guests from all over the kingdom to his feast. He personally placed the pot on the floor in the middle of the hall and ordered all the food to be cooked right there, in front of the guests, in a magic pot.
The guests were very surprised. They even thought that everything was not right in the king’s head, and they quietly laughed at him.
But the king did not pay any attention to this. He walked around the pot, personally stirred it with a spoon and said:
- Laugh, laugh! You'll see, everything will be cooked now.
But, of course, nothing was cooked, and in the end the king realized that the Plut had cheated again.
At this point the king completely lost his temper. He immediately went to Plut to execute him on the spot.
And the Plut stood on the porch and seemed to be waiting for the king.
- Well, isn’t your pot cooking? - asked the Dodger.
“That’s just what it doesn’t cook,” said the king. “You deceived me again!” Now I see that you are quite a rogue. Only you won’t have to cheat anymore.
With these words, the king pulled out his sword and wanted to cut off the Trickster’s head.
“Wait, wait,” exclaimed the Dodger. “This time it’s not my fault at all.” I told you that we need to take a block of wood. It's the whole secret. And without a log, of course, you can’t even cook simple porridge in this pot.
“Aren’t you lying again?” - asked the king. “Maybe this is all your trickery?”
- What kind of tricks are there? Everyone understands that nothing can be welded on the floor. The whole thing is a block. Nothing will work without him.
- How much do you want for this block?
“Its real price is three hundred thalers,” said the Plut, “well, so be it, I’ll sell it for two hundred.”
The king did not bargain, because, frankly speaking, three hundred thalers is not a price for such a block of wood. He took the log and, very satisfied, went to his palace.
That same day, the king again decided to have a feast and called a full house of guests.
The guests looked from all sides at the old block of wood that stood in the middle of the hall, and could not understand why it was standing there.
But then the doors opened and the king entered.
He solemnly carried a clay pot and placed it on a block of wood with his own hands.
“If you have such a log, you don’t need a cook, a stoker, or a woodcutter,” said the king. “Now you will see for yourself how perfectly dinner is cooked on it.”
But for some reason dinner was not cooked. And how could he cook?
Does it matter whether the pot is on a wooden floor or on a wooden block?
All the guests understood this perfectly well, but everyone kept quiet, because it was better not to argue with kings.
In the end, the king realized that the wooden block was just a wooden block and nothing more.
So it turned out that the Trickster had deceived the king again!
The king could no longer tolerate this.
He ordered his retinue to follow him and went to Plut.
And Plut thought that the king would come to him again.
He ran for his sister, who lived nearby and also understood something about tricks.
Then he slaughtered a ram, collected the ram's blood in a vial and told his sister to hide the vial in her bosom.
The sister sat down on the porch, and the Dodger himself hid in the house.
And then the king appeared. He was shaking all over with anger - from head to toe.
-Where is Plut? - the king shouted.
- Excuse me, Your Majesty, who are you asking about? - Sister Pluta said, bowing low to the king.
“I’m asking about the swindler, the deceiver, the rogue who lives in this house.” Do you know him?
- My brother lives here, Your Majesty.
“So know that your brother is the greatest rogue,” said the king. “Tell me, where is he?”
“He’s at home, sleeping, Your Majesty,” said the sister.
“Wake him up,” ordered the king.
“What are you saying, Your Majesty,” said the sister. “He will be very angry if I wake him.”
“And if you don’t wake him up, I’ll be angry,” said the king, in such a voice that anyone would be seriously scared.
“Your Majesty,” my sister begged, “he will kill me if I wake him up ahead of time.”
“If you don’t wake him up right now, I’ll cut off your head right now,” the king shouted. And it was clear from everything that he would do just that.
At this time, the door swung open, the Dodger jumped out onto the porch and rushed at his sister with a knife.
“You woke me up again,” shouted the Dodger and pierced the mutton bladder hidden in his sister’s bosom with his knife.
The sister fell, and blood flowed like a river on the ground.
Here even the king was afraid.
- What have you done, unfortunate Dodger? You killed your sister. And I, the king, saw it with my own eyes. Now I have to execute you twice... But you are such a rogue that if you don’t go to execution twice, you will certainly get out somehow.
- Don't worry, Your Majesty! “I’ll fix the problem now,” said the Dodger.
He went into the house and a minute later returned with a ram's horn in his hands. He put one end of the horn to his lips, the other to his sister’s lips and blew. He blew once, blew twice, and when he blew a third time, the sister stood up as if nothing had happened.
- Yes, you are not a rogue, but, apparently, the devil himself! - exclaimed the king. “Can you revive a dead man?”
- What about it, Your Majesty! I simply could not live without this. I am very hot-tempered, and at the very least I kill anyone who comes under my arm. Think how many times I would have to be executed if I didn't have this horn.
“Yes, yes, that’s true,” muttered the king. “Listen, Trickster, won’t you sell me your magic horn?” You see, I am also very hot-tempered and when I get angry, I will execute both the right and the wrong - indiscriminately. Sometimes this is not entirely convenient: I am a king and must be fair. If I have such a horn, it will help me a lot. Sell me your horn, and I promise to forget about all your tricks.
The Dodger scratched the back of his head.
“I’ll have a hard time without this horn.” What can you do - I can’t refuse the king.
He gave the ram's horn to the king and in return received one hundred talers and forgiveness of all his sins.
And the king received the ram's horn and, very pleased, went home. He couldn't wait to try out the new magic horn. Before he and his retinue had gone a hundred paces, one of the courtiers displeased him with something, and, drawing his sword, the king hit him with all his might on the head.
The courtier only groaned and fell from his horse.
“It seems he’s dead,” said the king. “That’s good.” Now we will revive it.
He put the ram's horn with one end to his mouth, the other end to the mouth of the dead man, and began to blow. But no matter how much he blew, he was unable to breathe life into the dead man. Just as he was dead, he remained dead.
“Well, okay,” said the king, “I can’t revive this one, but I can execute the Trickster.”
And he turned back to the Dodger's house.
The guards burst into the house and seized the Dodger, and the king said:
“You have deceived me so many times that you no longer hope for mercy.” Take him to the palace.
The rogue did not argue or cheat.
- Well, let's go like this.
And everyone moved towards the royal palace.
There the king ordered a barrel to be rolled out into the yard, the Dodger to be placed in the barrel, then to be nailed up tightly, taken to the seashore and placed on the top of the highest rock.
And then the king ordered this: let the barrel stand on the rock for three days so that the Plut has time to repent of all his tricks, and on the fourth day the king himself will throw it into the sea. The king loved to do everything with his own hands.
No sooner said than done.
The Dodger sits in a barrel one day, sits another, sits a third and, so that it won’t be so boring, he sings songs.
And just then some rich man was driving past.
“Hey,” he shouts, “who’s singing that?”
“I am,” answers the Dodger.
“Where are you?” asks the rich man.
“In a barrel,” answers the Dodger.
- Why did you climb into the barrel?
“And I’m waiting to be taken to heaven alive.” It’s too good there—whoever gets there will never return to earth. The sun is warming, the clouds are floating by... No worries, no hassle... Good!
The rich man was overcome with envy here. He also wanted to go to heaven. After all, when will such an opportunity arise again? Servants and neighbors increasingly wanted him to fall through the ground, and then alive - straight into heaven!
“Listen, buddy,” said the rich man, “won’t you give me your seat?” I'll pay you well.
“Well, I guess I’ll give in,” said the Dodger. “But it will cost a lot, you know that.”
- Yes, for the sake of such a thing, I don’t feel sorry for anything! I will leave you all my wealth! - exclaimed the rich man. - Why do I need it in heaven!
He immediately wrote a will in favor of the Plut, then knocked out the bottom of the barrel, released the Plut into freedom, and climbed into his place.
-Happy stay! - the rich man shouted.
- Have a nice trip! - shouted the Dodger.
He sealed the bottom again and quickly went to the market - he was very hungry while sitting in the barrel.
Soon the king came ashore.
He tapped the barrel and shouted:
- Hey, are you ready?
- Prepared! - answered the rich man.
“Well, have a good trip!” said the king and pushed the barrel off the cliff. “You can’t cheat here!” All your trickery is over now!
And, whistling cheerfully, the king went home.
He approaches the palace, and the Dodger sits on the porch - alive and unharmed - and plays the harmonica as if nothing had happened.
“How dare you sit here when I threw you into the sea?” - the king shouted.
- Why don’t I sit here? I belong in the palace. I’m not some kind of poor man, I now have more money, and livestock, and all sorts of things than you will have.
- When did you get so rich? - the king was surprised.
- But when you threw me into the sea. There is something to profit from at the bottom - gold lies in mountains there. Just don't be lazy - pick it up!
“Listen, brother, won’t you throw me there too?” - asked the king.
“With pleasure,” said the Dodger. (And this time he told the truth.)
- How much will you charge me for this?
“There can be no question of money here,” answered the Plut. “You didn’t take anything from me, and I will help you for nothing.”
The king ordered the barrel to be rolled ashore immediately and climbed into it. The rogue hammered the bottom well and pushed the barrel into the sea.
- Have a nice trip! - shouted the Dodger. - Now all your nonsense is over!
And so the Trickster got rid of the stupid king and began to rule the kingdom himself. Whether he ruled well or not is unknown, but no one dared to cheat and deceive under him: you can’t deceive anyone, but a Trickster.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru