Whether it happened or not, there lived one deacon, a beardless deceiver. Everyone knew well what a rogue and deceiver he was, so he couldn’t live in his village, and he decided to move somewhere else - to seek his own happiness. Whether he has walked a lot or a little, he comes to one village. He learned that a priest lived here, who had already robbed the entire parish completely. This priest has a daughter. Our beardless deceiver also got wind that the priest’s deacon had recently gone to the lands from which they never return, and immediately stopped at his doorstep. He entered the priest’s house and began to lie:
“I found out, father, holy father, that your deacon’s position had become vacant, and that’s why I came to you from afar.” Let's get acquainted. I am a deacon - named Etakoye - Worse than Etakoye, and I have a good disposition, and no one knows the Holy Scriptures better than me, but what can I say, you won’t find such a deacon during the day with fire. The priest was delighted. This is the kind of deacon he was looking for. They agreed, wrote all the conditions and gave it to the headman for approval. According to this agreement, the priest agreed to settle the deacon in his house, to honestly share with him a third of all income from the flock, and to eat all the required food equally with the deacon. This agreement is concluded for three years, and the priest cannot dismiss the deacon before that period unless the deacon himself wishes to do so. If he wants to drive him away, he must give him half of the parish and all his property. And for this the deacon is obliged to serve the priest at home and carry out all his instructions.
The first year the deacon, a beardless deceiver, serves honestly, he will not contradict the priest in anything; The priest cannot rejoice at him enough that the sun has risen for him together with the deacon, And the deacon is only biding his time. He decided to take possession of the priest’s daughter; day and night he only thinks about how to get his hands on her.
The deacon tries, he is cunning, but nothing comes of it. The deacon realized that the daughter obeys only her father in everything, and came up with a trick. One day he took the priest nearby, up a hill, to chop wood. The deacon grabbed a huge stump with an ax and inserted a wedge into the crevice.
“Well, calculate how many fingers this cleft is,” says the deacon-beardless deceiver to the priest. “Two fingers, no more,” says the priest. So the deacon jumped up: “How is it at two?” The cleft is not two, but four fingers long, and even more so! What don't you see?
They started arguing, and it even got to the point of swearing. “So let’s measure,” says the priest. “Come on,” says the deacon.
As soon as he put his fingers into the crevice, the deacon grabbed and threw away the wedge. I pinched my fingers and let’s shout: “Ay, ah, I’m dying, help!” The deacon began to fuss, fidget and say: “What can I do to help you, except run home and bring a chisel, but I’m afraid my daughter won’t let me do it without you?” Yes, you yourself then shout to her.
The deacon ran home and said to the girl: “Your father orders you to submit to me, some forest man caught him and kills him.” The daughter doesn’t believe it. “The father would never say this.” The deacon got angry, stood in the doorway and shouted to the priest: “I told you, she doesn’t believe me.” So the priest screamed: “Oh, daughter, save me, do whatever he asks.”
And the daughter obeyed her father in everything. She agreed and gave in to the deacon. And the deacon, having achieved his goal, took the chisel and trudged up the hill towards the priest. He hollowed out the stump, freed his fingers from his ass and led him into the house, barely alive.
When the priest found out what the deacon had done to him, and that he couldn’t fire him before three years, he decided it was better to remain silent.
Since then, the priest has been looking for something to find fault with and expel the deacon, and the deacon is not a fool - he looks with all his eyes.
Time passes, and the New Year has come.
In the morning, our priest and the deacon served a service in the church with great triumph. It was just a very frosty day and they were completely frozen.
After the service was over, the priest said to the deacon: “Well, run ahead and light such a fire that the heat will already hit me at the gate.” “Now,” said the deacon and ran. As the priest approached the gate, he was really covered in heat, and he looked, “and the deacon set the kitchen on fire, and everything is on fire.”
The priest shouted and cursed for a long time, but he himself turned out to be wrong. “How could I light such a fire so that it would already be warm at the gate?” - the deacon justified himself. The priest threatened him that he would kick him out, but the deacon reminded him of the agreement - the priest remained silent again.
The priest and priest thought for a long time and wondered how to get rid of this deacon, but they never came up with an idea. One day the priest said to the deacon: “Someone is stealing our wine.” You will have to spend the night in the marani, track down the thief. “Okay,” said the deacon and carried his bed to the marani. As night fell, the priest got up, took a sharpened ax in his hands, climbed into the marani and let’s chop with all his strength the sleeping deacon-deceiver.
Blood poured out, and it was as dirty as the priest had ever seen. The priest ran to his wife and shouted in fright: “Come on, wife, help me, I killed this scoundrel, but he shed so much blood that he smeared me all over, clean me quickly, as if no one sees.”
The wife was also scared, let’s clean her husband. “What kind of blood does this deacon have, can it be washed off so easily?” - says the priest. The priest got angry: “Why are you talking nonsense?” Don’t you know that sinners always have such thin blood. Then the priest and priest agreed on what to do: “As soon as morning comes, start shouting: “Help!” - says the priest, - and I will run to the headman and declare: so and so, they killed my deacon, - so no one will know anything. The husband and wife came to an agreement and, reassured, went to bed.
The morning had not yet come when the priest rushed to the headman, and the priest began to scream. Everyone came running, and what does our priest see - his deacon, a beardless deceiver, appeared along with everyone else. Then the deacon began to brag about how he had deceived the priest, how he had put a wineskin full of wine in his bed, how he had hidden himself in the corner and how some thief had quietly gotten in, whom although he did not recognize, his beard looked something like a priest’s, how this thief had hit the wineskin with an ax and ran away like a madman.
The deacon spread this story all over the world. Everyone laughs and mocks the priest. What should I do with my butt? He had to ask the deacon for forgiveness. They lived as before. Then Easter came. The priest got drunk on church wine at communion and fell asleep dead asleep. And the priest and his daughter went for a walk to the neighbors. The deacon decided to take advantage of the opportunity. He took a razor, crept up to his butt and shaved half his head and half his beard. He finished his work and went to visit his neighbors.
When the priest woke up and saw what was wrong with him, he immediately realized whose hands it was. He got angry, jumped up, grabbed a gun and ran to kill the deacon. The deacon saw him and took off running. He ran away somewhere and hid. The priest runs, looking for the deacon. As soon as he meets someone, he shouts: “Have you, my children, seen this one?” “No, we haven’t seen this one yet,” the people he meets laugh. “So, maybe we’ve seen something worse than this one?” “God forbid we see anything worse than this half-shaven priest,” they tell him with a laugh.
The priest ran around the whole village, but never got on the trail of the deacon - This is worse than that. And the deacon the next day sends people to the priest: - So and so, I don’t want to leave you, and if you are chasing me, please hand over to me half of all your property according to an exact calculation, otherwise I will not forgive you for chasing me with a gun. If you don’t fulfill everything according to the agreement, I’ll remind you of how you went to kill me in Maran, and you’ll end up straight in Siberia for all this.
The priest was afraid that in his old age he might not end up in Siberia. And the mediators persuade him: “You better make peace.” The priest gave up and said to himself: “Apparently, I am not destined to get rid of this deacon, to be his priest in this parish.” The next day the priest married his daughter to this deceiving deacon; married and settled them in his own house. He gave all his property to his son-in-law and gave him his parish too. The fun began, everyone was happy that God had sent them such a clever priest to the parish.
They were in the pestilence, and we were in a feast. I will throw you nine apples and nine pomegranates, Have everything, own everything that was obtained by your hand.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru