Once upon a time there lived a carpenter in the city of Arles. He loved his craft with passion, and, among other things, he was an amazingly hospitable person. And then one day two strangers came to his house. One of them is fat, with a big beard, and the other is small, skinny. When the carpenter saw them, he immediately realized that they were not strangers. The bearded man is the Lord God himself, and his companion is Saint Peter, the one who holds the keys to the doors of heaven. OK. It means the carpenter recognized them, but didn’t show them. And the bushy-bearded man came up to him and asked:
- Won't you feed us, good man?
“With great pleasure,” the carpenter responded and prepared such a delicious dinner for them that after it there were only empty plates left on the table. Having had his fill, God loosened the belt on his stomach and asked the carpenter how much they owed him for lunch.
“Not a single sou,” answered the carpenter. “After all, even from your clothes you can see that your wallet is empty.” Okay, we'll settle another time.
God was surprised at such kindness and said:
- If so, we will thank you in another way. Call me
three wishes, and I will certainly fulfill them.
The carpenter was a savvy man and immediately realized what an extraordinary opportunity had presented itself to him. He was lost in thought and suddenly heard Saint Peter whispering in his ear:
- Ask for a place in heaven!
The carpenter looked at him, winced and said to God:
- I love playing cards. I wish I could always win!
- Well, this is not a tricky business. From now on you will always win. What is your second wish?
Saint Peter nudged the carpenter with his elbow and whispered again:
- Don't be a fool! Ask for a place in heaven!
“Don’t talk hand in hand, I’m still far from heaven,” the carpenter grinned and, turning away from Saint Peter, said to God: “I have a hefty bale of linen lying here in the corner.” I would like to do this: whoever sits on it, let him sit on it until I myself allow him to get up.
- Okay, that’s how it will be from now on. Well, what's the third one?
and lastly, do you have a wish?
The carpenter was lost in thought again, and Saint Peter just lost his temper: he kept pushing and pushing the carpenter with his elbow:
- Think about heaven! Ask for a place!
- Wait, don’t bother me... Here is my last wish. There is a peach tree growing in my garden. And whoever climbs on it, let him sit there until I allow him to come down.
- Well, this wish will come true too. Well, now thanks for the bread and salt and goodbye.
“Goodbye, goodbye...” the carpenter bowed.
- Goodbye, fool, mired in sins! - St. Peter muttered. - We'll see you again, buddy.
And the travelers moved on, leaving the hospitable carpenter with their joys and worries.
Years passed, the carpenter grew old, became hunched over, and one day Lady Death came to his house.
- Well, carpenter, you have lived a lot in this world. Now get ready for the journey, you will go with me.
“Wait a minute,” asked the carpenter, “I’ll just change my shoes.” In the meantime, sit on this bale. It's soft on him.
- Hmm... So be it, I’ll sit and rest. Just don’t waste time!
Death sat down on a bale of linen and waited. Not even a minute had passed before the carpenter appeared before her.
- Already ready? - Death grinned. - Well, let's go!
Death wanted to rise from the bale, but that was not the case! She rushed once, twice, but all in vain. It remained sitting on the bale as if glued. And the carpenter rested his hands on his hips and you know he’s laughing and bursting into tears:
- Gotcha, Oblique! So sit here and think about who you should come to. Meanwhile, I helped good people}‘: I’ll build a house for someone, I’ll build a barn for someone, I’ll make a door or a frame for someone... As you can see, I have a lot of worries.
- Understand, there are things waiting for me too! - says Death.
“Eh, your business is not urgent, it can wait,” the carpenter waved his hand.
Realizing that the old man was not going to let her go, Death then prayed:
- Let me go, darling! I won't bother you with yours
engage in carpentry. Believe me!
“Okay, I’ll let you go on all four sides on one condition: don’t come to me before a hundred years later.”
Death sighed - it’s a pity to miss the carpenter! - but still agreed. The carpenter here allowed her to get up from the bale. Death jumped up and rushed off without looking back.
A hundred years passed, and Death came to the carpenter again.
- Great, buddy! - she burst into a smile. “I’m behind you, it’s time to know the honor!”
- Oh, it’s you, Kosaya! I’ll get ready in a moment, but in the meantime, climb that tree over there and enjoy the sweet peaches.
- But it’s true: your peaches are good!
- So, help yourself to them.
Death climbed the tree and let's feast on the juicy fruits. I ate to my heart’s content and wanted to come down from the tree, but that was not the case! She can’t tear herself away from the trunk, and that’s all.
Death realized that this time too the carpenter had left her in the cold.
- Gotcha, Snubnosaya! So sit on the tree.
“It’s not good for me to hang around here on a tree.” Better let me go home, carpenter, and I won’t touch you for now.
“I’ll let you go, but with only one agreement: give me another two hundred years of life, otherwise I haven’t had time to redo all my carpentry work.” Agree?
- What can you do! Agree.
- If so, swear that you will not come to me ahead of schedule.
- I swear, damn you!
- Okay, then get off the tree and get away! You will come now in two hundred years.
“I’ll definitely go see someone, but I’ll definitely go see you,” Death muttered and immediately disappeared.
Two hundred years passed, and Kosaya again came to the carpenter. However, in order not to get into trouble this time, she came to him at night. She grabbed the sleeping carpenter and dragged him straight to heaven.
But the carpenter did not go to heaven. As soon as Saint Peter saw him, he immediately slammed the gate and began shouting at the top of his voice:
- Be gone, wicked one! Didn't want a place at one time
get it in heaven, so now you have yourself to blame. Drag him, Snubnosed, straight to hell!
But instead of hell, Death dragged the carpenter first to purgatory. And he was not accepted into purgatory: he was not on the lists.
Only then did Death bring him to hell. Well, to hell, you know, you are welcome!
- Come in, Mr. Carpenter, don’t be afraid. “We host everyone,” the little devil standing on guard at the gate immediately kindly explained to him.
“Thank you for the invitation, I’ll have to stay with you,” the carpenter drawled sadly and, as if by accident, transferred a brand new deck of cards from his jacket into his vest pocket. The little devil noticed this and asked:
- Aren't you a player?
- Of course! On earth, no one has ever beaten me in my life. Well, there’s no time for cards here, of course. What a pity!
“You’re probably just bragging like you beat everyone.” This doesn't happen! You're lying, carpenter!
- Am I lying?! If you want to know, I can beat even Satan himself!
He dragged the carpenter's little devil to Satan and told him about his boast. Satan listened to the little devil, scowled and barked at the carpenter:
- What is it?! How dare you boast that you can even beat me, Satan?
“Don’t be angry with me, Mr. Satan, but I can really beat you.”
- Hmm... You're brave, as I look at you. Well, let's play then. But what are you going to play for?
“As you can see, I have nothing but a soul.” So I'll put my soul on the line. If you win, take my soul, and if not, let me go back.
- Okay, we'll do that.
And they began to play. First they played ecarte, then maryage, three leaves, and joker, and all the time Satan was the fool.
The carpenter won the last game, and by agreement they kicked him out of the door, and the door itself was locked with a heavy bolt: let this carpenter never come into Satan's sight again, otherwise he will not escape trouble!
The carpenter sat at the very wall of hell, rested and moved to the gates of heaven. He came and knocked.
-Who's there? - Saint Peter responded in a sleepy voice. -Oh, it's you again. He probably escaped from hell by cunning? But you came here in vain: there is no place for you and there never will be. Why didn't you listen to me then?
“How was I supposed to know that you were Saint Peter,” the carpenter scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. - Take pity on me, poor fellow, let me take refuge somewhere with you. I can't wander in eternity...
- Well, no, your place is in hell. How did you manage to escape from there?
The carpenter told Saint Peter how he put his immortal soul on the line, how they played with Satan, how he beat him and how they kicked him out of hell, and even threatened him to never come back.
And while the carpenter was talking, all its inhabitants gathered at the gates of heaven and, listening to the carpenter’s cheerful chatter, roared with laughter. They liked the carpenter so much that they began to beg St. Peter to leave the poor fellow in heaven. But Saint Peter did not agree with them and immediately, slamming the doors, turned the heavy key two turns.
The carpenter looked at the locked gate, spat in frustration and returned to his home, to his workbench.
He probably lives and works there to this day.
And whoever wants to be convinced of this, let him go to Arles himself, find a carpenter there and listen to his funny stories.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru