Some people have probably heard about the famous adventures of Daniel O Rourke, but there are few who know that the reason for all his misadventures above land and under water was only one thing: he fell asleep under the walls of the Puck tower (Puck is a spirit in the form of an animal).
I knew this man well. He lived at the foot of Thin Hill, just on the right hand side of the road as you go to Bantry. He was an old man when he told me his story, yes, already an old man with a gray head and a red nose.
I heard this story from his own lips on June 25, 1813. He sat under an old poplar tree and sipped from his pipe. The evening was extremely good.
“I’m often asked to talk about this,” he began, “so I won’t be the first to tell you.” You see, before we heard about Bonaparte and all that stuff, young gentlemen often traveled abroad. So our landlord’s son has returned from foreign countries, from France and Spain. And, of course, on this occasion a dinner was given, for everyone indiscriminately: for noble and simple, rich and poor.
Needless to say, in the old days gentlemen really were gentlemen, you will excuse me for such words. Of course, they could scold you. lightly and maybe even give a whip or two, but what did we lose from this in the end? They were so flexible, so well-mannered. They always had an open house and thousands of guests. They didn't bother us with rent. And there would hardly be at least one of the tenants who would not experience the generosity of their landlord, and more than once during the year. It's not the same now... Well, that's not the point, sir. I'd rather tell you my story.
So, we had everything our hearts desired. We ate, drank and danced. And our young master went to dance with Peggy Barry from Boherin - this is what I was just telling you about. They were a nice couple then, both young, but now they are completely hunched over. Yes, in short, I apparently got very tipsy, because to this day, for the life of me, I can’t remember how I got out of there. Although I got out of there, that’s for sure.
So, despite this, I still decided to myself: I’ll go to Molly Cronohan, the healer, to say a word about the enchanted calf. And he began to cross the Ballyshynoch ford over the stones. Here I go and look at the stars, and even cross myself. For what? But it was the Annunciation! My foot slipped and I fell head over heels into the water.
“Well, that’s the end of me! – I thought. “Now I’ll go to the bottom.” And suddenly I swam, swam, swam with all my strength, and I don’t even know how I washed up on the shore of some uninhabited island.
I wandered and wandered, not knowing where, until I was finally carried into a large swamp. The moon was so bright that it was as bright as day; she sparkled like the eyes of your beauty - forgive me for talking about her. I looked east, west, north and south - in a word, in all directions, and saw only swamp, swamp and swamp. I still can’t understand how I got there? My heart froze with fear, as I was firmly convinced that I would find my grave there. I sat down on a stone, which, fortunately, was next to me, scratched the back of my head and sang a departure song to myself.
Suddenly the moon darkened. I looked up and saw something seeming to move between me and the moon, but I couldn’t decide what. Something fell down like a stone and looked straight into my face. Look, it turned out to be an eagle! The most common eagle that comes from County Kerry. He looked into my eyes and said:
– Well, how are you doing, Daniel O Rourke?
“Very good, thank you, sir,” I answered. “I hope you do too,” but I’m surprised to myself that the eagle suddenly spoke like a human being.
“What brings you here, Dan?” he asks.
- Nothing! - I answer him. “I wish I could be home safe again, that’s what!”
“Ahh, you’d like to get off this island, wouldn’t you, Dan?”
“That's right, sir,” I say.
Then I get up and tell him how I took too much and fell into the water, how I swam to this island, wandered into a swamp and now I don’t know how to get out of it.
“Dan,” he says, after thinking for a minute, “although it’s very bad of you to get drunk at the Annunciation, but in general you’re a decent guy, you don’t drink, you regularly attend Mass and you never throw stones at me or my brothers, you don’t chase us through the fields, and therefore I’m at your service!”
Sit on my back and hug me tightly, otherwise you will fall, and I will carry you out of this swamp.
“Isn’t your lordship laughing at me?” - I say. -Have you ever heard of riding an eagle?
- A gentleman's word! He says, placing his right paw on his chest. – I propose seriously. So choose: either accept my offer, or starve here in the swamp! Yes, by the way, I notice that from your weight the stone goes into the swamp.
And this was the true truth, because I myself noticed how I was becoming a stone every minute. sank more and more under me. There was no choice left. I always believed that the city takes courage, which is what I thought then, and said:
– Thank you, your honor, for such cordiality. I accept your kind invitation!
Then he climbed onto the eagle’s back, hugged it tightly around the neck, and the eagle soared into the air like a lark.
Then I had no idea about the trap he was preparing for me!
Higher, higher and higher, God knows how high he flew.
“Wait,” I tell him, thinking that he doesn’t know the right way to my house, of course, very politely, because who can figure it out, because I was entirely in his power. “Sir,” says I, “with all my deepest respect for your lordship’s wise views, I would like you to come down a little, since you are now just above my hut and can throw me there, for which I will be infinitely grateful to your grace.”
- Oh yes Dan! - he exclaimed. – Do you think I’m a fool? Look down at the next field, don't you see two men with guns? It's not a joke, really, when they take you like that and shoot you because of some drunken fool you had to pick up from a cold stone in the swamp.
“Damn you,” I thought to myself, but I didn’t say anything out loud: what was the use of that?
That's it, sir, and he kept flying up and up. Every minute I again asked him to come down, but in vain.
Tell me, for God's sake, sir, where are you flying?
– I asked him.
“Hold your tongue, Dan,” he tells me. – Better mind your own affairs, and don’t interfere in others’!
- Here you go, I suppose this is just my business! - I said.
- Shut up, Dan! - he shouted. And I didn't say anything more.
Finally we arrived - just imagine where - to the moon itself! Now you can no longer see it, but then, that is, back in my time, there was something like a sickle sticking out on the side of the moon.
And Daniel O Rourke, with the end of his stick, drew a figure on the ground that looked like a sickle.
“Dan,” said the eagle, “I’m tired from such a long flight.” I didn't think it was so far away.
“And who, dear sir,” I say, “asked you to fly so far?” Me, or what? Didn’t I ask you, beg you and beg you to stop half an hour ago?
“It’s too late to talk about it now, Dan,” said the eagle. “I’m tired as hell, so get off me!” You can sit on the moon and wait for me to catch my breath.
- Land on the moon? - I say. - For this little round thing? Yes, I’ll immediately fall off it and smash myself into pieces. You're just a vile deceiver, that's what you are!
“Not at all, Dan,” he says. “You can grab tightly onto this sickle that sticks out on the side of the moon, and then you won’t fall.”
“No, I don’t want to,” I say.
“Maybe you don’t want to,” he says quite calmly. “But if you don’t get off, my friend, I’ll shake you off myself and give you one blow with my wing, so that you’ll quickly find yourself on the ground and you won’t be able to pick up your bones, they’ll scatter like dewdrops on cabbage leaves early in the morning.”
“Well, well,” I said to myself, “I found myself in a good position. Why did I tag along with him?” And, sending a strong word to him - in Irish, so that he would not understand - I reluctantly climbed off his back, grabbed the sickle and sat down on the moon. Well, this seat turned out to be cold, let me tell you!
After he had safely seated me in this way, he turns to me and says:
– Good morning, Daniel O Rourke! I think we're even now! Last year you ruined my nest (well, he told the absolute truth, I just can’t imagine how he found out about it), and for this you will now sit here to your heart’s content. Whether you like it or not, you'll be stuck here on the moon like a scarecrow.
- So it's all over? - I say. “Are you just going to leave me here, scoundrel?” You vile, heartless bastard! So this is how you served me! Be damned yourself with your humped nose and all your offspring, you scoundrel!
But what was the use of these words? He laughed loudly, spread his huge wings and disappeared like lightning. I shouted after him: “Stop!” - but with the same success I could call and shout for the whole century, he would not respond. He flew away, and from that day until now I have not seen him again - may trouble always fly with him!
I found myself in a hopeless situation, I assure you, and in despair I sobbed so much that I could not stop. Suddenly, in the very middle of the moon, a door opens, and with such a creak, as if it had not been opened for a whole month, although, I think, it was simply never lubricated, and out comes... Well, who do you think? Moon Man, I immediately recognized him by his hair.
– Greetings, Daniel O Rourke! - he said. - How are you?
“Very well, thank you, your honor,” I replied. - I hope you do too.
- How did you get here, Dan?
Then I told him how I had had too much in the owner’s house, how I was thrown onto a deserted island and got lost in a swamp, and how the rogue eagle promised to take me out of there, but instead brought me here, to the moon.
“Dan,” says the moon man when I’ve finished, and takes a snuff, “you shouldn’t stay here.”
“I assure you, sir,” I tell him, “I came here completely against my will.” How can I get back now?
“It's your business, Dan,” he says. “My job is to tell you that you shouldn’t stay here.” So get out, I say, but be quicker!
“I’m not doing anything bad to you,” I hold on to the sickle so as not to fall.
– This is what you shouldn’t do!
“Oh, excuse me, sir,” I say, “but may I know if you have a large family?” Maybe you could give shelter to a poor traveler? I suppose you are not often disturbed by guests like me. After all, the path here is not close.
“I live alone, Dan,” he replied. - You better let go of this sickle!
“I swear, sir,” I say, “with your permission, I will not let him go!” And the more you ask, the tighter I will hold on. That's what I want!
“You better let go, Dan,” he says again.
“If so, my little friend,” I say, measuring him from head to toe, “there will be two conditions in our deal: you leave if you want, and I won’t budge!”
“Well, we’ll see how this turns out,” said the moon man and went back to his room, but as he left, he slammed the door so hard that I thought: now both the moon and I, together with it, will fall down. It was clear that he was very angry.
So, I was already internally preparing to measure my strength with him, when here he again comes out with a sharp kitchen knife in his hands and, without saying a word, hits it twice on the handle of the sickle that I was holding on to - swear! - it breaks in half.
- Hey Dan, good morning! - this evil and mean old man shouted when he saw me fly straight down, grabbing the rest of the handle. – Thank you for your visit! Have a smooth ride, Daniel!
I did not have time to answer him, as I was twisted and turned and carried down at the speed of a hound dog.
- Oh my God! – I exclaimed. - This is a good occupation for a decent person, and even in the dead of night, if only someone had seen it! Well, I'm in trouble!
But before I had time to utter these words, suddenly - vzzzz! - a flock of wild geese flew over my head, heading no other than from my treasured moor in Ballyshenaf, otherwise how would they recognize me? The old gander, their leader, turned around and shouted to me:
- Is that you, Dan?
“I am the one,” I answered, not at all surprised that he spoke, because by that time I had already begun to get used to all such devilry, and besides, we were old acquaintances.
“Good morning, Daniel O Rourke,” he said. – How is your health today?
- Wonderful! – I answered. - Thank you very much! – and he sighed heavily, because that’s exactly what I was missing. “I hope yours too.”
“I mean your fall, Daniel,” he continued.
“Ah, well, of course,” I answered.
-Where are you coming from like that? - asked the gander.
Then I told him how I got drunk and ended up on an island, how I got lost in a swamp and how a deceiving eagle carried me to the moon, and the moon man escorted me out.
“I’ll save you, Dan,” said the gander. “Reach out and grab my leg.” I'll take you home.
- I wish I could drink honey with your lips! - I said, although I kept thinking to myself that I didn’t really trust him.
But there was nowhere to wait for help, so I grabbed the gander by the leg and flew along with the rest of the geese at the speed of the wind. We flew and flew and flew until we found ourselves right above the ocean. I immediately understood this, because to my right I saw Clear Cape sticking out of the water.
“My lord,” I said, deciding to express myself as politely as possible just in case, “please fly to the ground!”
“What are you talking about, Dan,” he replied, “it’s impossible for now.” After all, we are flying to Arabia.
- To Arabia! – I exclaimed. - So this is somewhere far, far away, in foreign lands. Oh, what are you, Mister Goose, don’t you have any compassion for the poor man?
“Shh, shh, shh, you fool,” he said, “hold your tongue!” I assure you, Arabia is a very decent place and is exactly like West Carbury, only there is a little more sand there.
And just as he and I were talking, a ship appeared on the horizon, driven by the wind - well, just look at it.
“Listen, sir,” I say, “please throw me onto this ship!”
“But we’re not exactly above it,” he replied, “and if I throw you off now, you’ll splash right into the water.”
“No, what are you talking about,” I say, “I know better, it’s right below us now.” Let me out quickly!
“It’s up to you to let him out like that,” he said and unclenched his paws.
Alas, he was right! Of course, I plopped straight onto the salty seabed. Finding myself at the very bottom, I was just about to say goodbye to life, when suddenly a whale approached me, scratching itself after a night's sleep, looked into my face and, without uttering a single word, raised its tail and once again doused me with cold salt water, so that there was no dry place left on me. And then I heard - and the voice seemed very familiar to me:
- Get up, you drunken slacker! Get out of here!
I opened my eyes and saw my Judy in front of me with a full tub of water, which she was pouring on me.
The fact is that although in general Judy was a good wife - God bless her - she absolutely could not stand it when I got drunk, and then she gave free rein to her hands.
- Get up! - she said again. “You couldn’t find a worse place for yourself in the whole parish?” Look, the pack is lying down under the very walls of the old tower! I can imagine how calmly you rested here!
Needless to say, did I really rest? All these eagles and moon men, and migrating geese, and whales that carried me through the swamps, carried me to the moon and dropped me from there onto the salty seabed, almost drove me crazy.
But now I knew for sure: no matter what happens, I will never go to rest in a bad place.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru