There was, and there was nothing - a husband and wife lived. The husband was such a lazy person that he didn’t want to do anything. All day long he just eats and lies around - he turns on one side, then on the other. And the wife works as hard as she can, feeds herself and her husband, clothes her, everything, she does everything alone. But no matter how much the wife beats, they are still poor and poor. And what can she do alone? And unfortunately, their field is somewhere far away, but it’s all rocky and sandy, and all that grows on it are nettles and all sorts of weeds, nothing else.
So the wife got together in the spring, begged the neighbors, plowed this field with their help, then borrowed the grain, sowed it, and the field came up - and what a field, the whole sea is agitated. The month of harvest has come, the grain has ripened, and the wife says to her husband: “Get up, go and look at our field.” Maybe nothing sprouted there and we are just hoping in vain.
Somehow this lazy fellow got up and trudged off. He hadn’t even gone halfway before he turned back, came home and said to his wife: “I was there, I saw - nothing sprang up there except nettles and weeds, they only took so much grain for nothing. The wife knows what kind of field they have, but she didn’t tell her husband anything.” And when the harvest time came, he said to him: “Either go to the field to reap, or stay at home, churn butter, feed the hen and the chickens, look after them, sift the flour, bake the bread.”
The lazy guy decided to stay at home. He took a skein of thread from his wife and, so that the chickens would not run away and disturb him, he tied them all with one thread to the hen and let them go around the threshing floor. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a kite pounced on the chickens and carried them all away along with the tied hen. And the lazy man put a bag of flour, a sieve, and milk in a bowl on his back and chased the kite, thinking: “I’ll scare the kite, make him leave the hen with the chickens, and I’ll sift the flour and churn the butter, so I’ll get rid of all my work at once.”
Only he didn’t catch up with the kite, didn’t sift the flour, didn’t churn the butter - everything fell into his hands, broke and spilled. So I was left with nothing. The lazy man is thinking about what to do, how to meet a wife without chickens. He remembered that his wife had laid eggs. He took out these eggs, put them in a basket and sat down on them, thinking: “I’ll sit for a while. Perhaps, by the time the wife returns from the field, new chickens will hatch.” The lazy man is sitting on his eggs, clucking like a hen: “Kwok-kwok... Kwok-kwok...” The wife returned from the harvest, shouting to her husband: “Open the doors!”
And the husband just clucks in response: “Kwok, kwok, kwok!”
The wife shouts for the second time: “Open the doors!” “Kwok, kwok, kwok!” - the husband answers again. And the wife shouted for the third time: “Where are you, where have you disappeared to?” Open the doors, are you deaf?! Nobody answers her, only “kwok, kwok” is heard from the house.
My wife broke the door and entered. She sees her husband sitting in a basket like a hen, and clucking. “What else did you come up with, what are you doing there?” Get out of this basket now.” “The kite carried away the hen with the chickens, so I wanted to hatch new chickens,” says the husband. “I don’t need your chickens, get out,” says the wife, pulled him out of the basket and sat him down by the fireplace.
The next morning the wife asks her husband: “How are you?” Are you going to go reap, or maybe you’ll stay at home again? “No, I’d better go reap,” says the husband, “just give me three chickens: one for breakfast, one for lunch, one for dinner.” “Oh, just get this harvest, I’ll give you not three, but four chickens a day.” The lazy man went to the field. And he didn’t tie two sheaves in a day, everything lays around and sleeps, and he didn’t forget the chickens - he ate all three at once. Time passes. Three or four days passed like this. All the grain in the field would have dried up and crumbled, but one day the lazy man’s wife got up, dressed like a man, took a weapon, mounted a horse and rode off. She drove up to her husband and shouted: “Hey, reaper, do you know who the lazy guy is?” Our king's son is sick and dying. They taught us to feed him the liver of this lazy fellow.
The lazy man got scared and began to swear: “It’s only been an hour since I started reaping, where could I have collected more?” “Look, if you don’t take off all the bread by the evening, I’ll come, cut off your head, cut out your liver and take it away,” said this warrior and left.
The lazy man rushed to reap, took off all the bread, did not leave one ear. In the evening he fell a little alive from fatigue and groaned. His wife came and brought food, should he eat? He sits barely alive, barely breathing. The wife asks: “Why are you so tired?”
The lazy man told her that a man had passed by from the king and threatened: “If you don’t take off all the bread before evening, I’ll come, kill you, cut out your liver and take you away.” “Don’t be afraid,” his wife consoled him, “he squeezed everything, he won’t do anything to you.” So somehow they tied up the sheaves and brought them away; threshed and filled the grain.
This lazy guy had one pig. Whatever is edible in the house, he takes it all to this pig. Feeds her, fattens her. The wife said: “We ourselves have nothing to eat, why are you carrying everything to this pig?” Let’s slaughter it better.” “No, I won’t slaughter it until the fat comes out of it,” says the husband. The wife took the butter, melted it, splashed it on the pig, showed it to her husband and said: “You see, as she grew fat, the fat is coming out of her.” Then the lazy man took it and slaughtered his beloved pig - no matter how much he loved it, he apparently loved his stomach more.
Very soon the lazy man ate his pig, only one ham and his wife managed to hide it. The lazy man found out that his wife had another ham and pestered him: “Give me that too!” “No,” says the wife, “I won’t give it!” “I’ll die if you don’t give me.” “Die,” says the wife. “If you die, you won’t bring any harm to anyone.” The lazy man got up, lay down on the ottoman, closed his eyes, fell silent and lay there, not breathing. The wife began to cry over her dead husband.
They brought the priest, put together a coffin, laid the lazy man to bed and carried him to church. Nevertheless, the wife approached her husband again and whispered: “Get up, or we’ll bury you.” How can I get up? After all, I died. “Get up, I say,” the wife repeats. “If you give me a pork ham, I’ll get up,” says the husband. “No!” - says the wife. “But no, I won’t get up.”
They carried the lazy man as if he were dead and laid him in the church. As it got dark, the lazy man’s wife got up, walked up to the church doors and shouted: “Hey, dead people, old and new!” Listen - a new temple is being built in the sky, get up and carry all the bricks. Old dead men carry a hundred each, new dead men carry two hundred each. The lazy man thought: “I can’t even lift five bricks, why the hell am I going to carry them two hundred each?” Jump up and let's run from the church.
Since then, he doesn’t think about dying or asking for pork hams, and he doesn’t lie on his side anymore. He began to work, and the husband and wife lived happily and richly.
Pestilence there, feast here, Elimination there, torment here. Save the storyteller, the listener from the pestilence.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru