In ancient times - I don’t even remember which emperor ruled at that time - there lived one fool in the world. It so happened that his wife was pregnant. He loved his wife very much, but he couldn’t think of anything to please her with.
-What do you want? - he asked her. - Just tell me - I’ll buy any meat, the most delicious one, right away.
The wife felt uneasy and didn’t want to talk at all, but her husband, as luck would have it, pestered her with questions and bothered her, and in order to get rid of him, she said:
-Are you asking what I want? Buy me a little something!
The husband was surprised; he had never heard of such an animal. He took eight coins and went to the market. He walked around all the rows: upper and lower, western and eastern, asking all the merchants if anyone was selling trifles, but people only shook their heads in response.
The day was already approaching evening. The fool became sad: apparently he was not destined to get a trifle. He went back home. Suddenly he sees a river, and the water in it is clean, transparent. He wanted to swim, he took off his loincloth and jumped into the water.
I took a swim, went ashore, and the loincloth, as they say, although without wings, flew away. The fool wandered off to look for his bandage. Approaches one village. He sees a crowd walking, burying someone, and in front of him a person is carrying a flag. The simpleton thought that they were carrying his loincloth on a stick. He ran up and shouted:
- Wicked ones! How dare you see off a dead man with my loincloth?
People were indignant and gave the fool a hard time for such an act. He ran home, crying, complaining to his wife:
- I took eight coins to buy you a trifle. I thought we’d slaughter it, cook it, and give you a great treat. But it was not possible to buy it. On the way back I decided to take a swim in the river. I came out of the water and saw that my loincloth was missing, it had disappeared. I thought I’d find it in the nearest village, but where is it, they just beat me up...
- What a problem! Why were you beaten? - asked the wife.
The husband wiped his tears and said:
“I thought they made a flag out of my loincloth and were going to bury the dead man with it.” He ran, cursed at them, and began to demand the bandage back.
- My grief! - answered the wife. “Is it possible to bury a dead person with a loincloth?” And if they are carrying the deceased and someone decides to scream, then it is not a sin to beat such an insolent person. Next time you see people walking in a crowd, come up and say three times loudly, with sadness in your voice: “Oh-ho! Oh-ho! Oh-ho! Not only will they not beat you, but, perhaps, they will even invite you to the wake.
The stupid husband repented, and repeated to himself: “Oh-ho! Oh-ho! These words seemed very funny to him.
At dawn the simpleton got up and went to the market again to buy a trifle. He walked and walked, but never bought it. He was already getting ready to go home, and there was a wedding coming up. He remembered the words that his wife had taught him, pushed the guests away and, with sadness in his voice, shouted loudly three times: “Oh-ho! Oh-ho! Oh-ho!
People decided that this fool was mocking them, they surrounded the poor guy and gave him a good beating.
Our fool grabbed his head and rushed home. He cries and complains to his wife:
“I went to buy some trinkets, and I saw that there was a wedding going on.” I remembered what you told me yesterday and shouted “oh-ho!” three times. But for some reason no one invited me to feast, but they beat me very painfully - my whole body was covered in bruises, I barely got home.
The wife laughed and said:
“People are having a wedding, they’re having fun, and you’re shouting “oh-ho!” It is clear that they can only beat you for this. Another time, if you see a wedding, take betel nut, offer it to the bride and groom, and say at the same time: “May such happiness come to you more than once.”
The fool remembered his wife’s words and repeated them all evening and all night. The next morning I went to look for the little thing again. I didn’t buy it, I was going home. He sees a crowd gathered near the road, the fire is being put out. The fool was not at a loss, took betel, ran up to the owners of the house, congratulated: “May such happiness come to you more than once!” The unfortunate owner, whose head was already spinning, decided that this was the arsonist, grabbed the fool and wanted to take him to court, but changed his mind and gave him a good beating. The poor fellow got scared and began to ask for forgiveness. People realized that he was just stupid and let him go home. The fool returned home, crying, complaining to his wife:
“Today I went to buy a trifle again.” I saw that people had gathered to put out the fire. I remembered how you taught me yesterday, I took the betel nut and went to the owner: “May such happiness come to you again,” I said, and he heard: “So-and-so, get out now!” Nobody invited me to the feast, but they gave me a good beating.
- People are on fire, in trouble, and you come to them with congratulations! If you see such trouble again, grab a rake, a hoe, help people, then they will thank you for your diligence.
The next day he woke up early and went to the market again. He walks through the field and looks: two people are fighting on the boundary line, clinging to each other, and hoes and rakes are lying around. He grabbed a hoe and started wooing the fighters. Those two stopped fighting, together they attacked the fool and beat him soundly. He ran home and told his wife about everything. The wife laughs:
“If people are fighting, and you are still cultivating them with a hoe, then there is no point in complaining that you got it too.” Next time you see a fight, avoid it.
The fool listened and nodded his head. The next morning I went to the market again. He walks and sees two wild pigeons fighting. The fool remembered what his wife taught him. He was afraid that he would get into trouble and rushed home. He came running, breathing heavily, and said to his wife:
- What fear! I’m going to the market to buy some trinkets, and I see two wild pigeons fighting! I was afraid that something bad would happen to me, and I ran home, running away with all my might.
The wife laughed and said:
- Well, what kind of trouble can there be if two wild pigeons fight! Let them fight. And you would sneak up on them, grab them and bring them home. Roasted pigeon with young bamboo shoots is a rare delicacy.
The fool felt sorry for the lost game, and rushed to see if the pigeons were still fighting. But there were no more pigeons. But at the foot of the mountain he noticed a tigress playing with a tiger cub. He remembered what his wife had advised him, and was delighted—here, he thought, good luck! The fool crept up to the tigress, just set out to grab her, and the tigress began to growl. If the hunters hadn’t arrived, she would have torn the poor fellow to pieces.
Somehow the fool got home. I lay down for three days and could not come to my senses from fear. On the fourth day I got up and went out again to buy a trifle to spoil my wife. He walked, he walked, he looked, he looked - nowhere they sell trifles. The fool became sad. Suddenly he sees an unlucky merchant coming: he has been wanting to sell a cat since early morning, but no one has even asked for it.
A fool approaches him and asks:
- Uncle, what are you selling?
The merchant decided that they were mocking him, he became angry and shouted:
- Don't you see? I'm trading for nothing!
The fool jumped with joy. Without haggling, he handed him eight coins, grabbed the cat and ran home. And the merchant laughs, rejoices at his unexpected luck.
The fool is dragging the cat home, in a hurry, even sweating from zeal. He saw a pond with clear water and wanted to cool off. He just doesn’t know where to leave his priceless acquisition. He took off his loincloth, wrapped it around the cat, left it on the shore, and jumped into the water. He took a swim and got out: no crampon, no loincloth. The poor fellow had never had such grief in his life: he moaned, sobbed, scoured the shore, searched all the bushes. People stop and can’t really understand anything. The fool rushes about and shouts: “trifle” and “trifle.” People look at each other in bewilderment: the man is apparently in trouble, but he insists that this is nothing!
Passers-by stood, stood and moved on. The fool keeps running around, wailing. Suddenly he turned to the pond, and lo and behold, his cat was there. He climbed into the pond again, began to rummage in the water with his hands - nothing worked. Luckily, a boy was running past, he noticed a cat on a tree and asked:
-What's that on the tree?
The fool raised his head, and there was a cat on the tree. He shouted with joy and climbed the tree. The fool caught the cat, pressed it tightly to his chest and ran home. He flew into the yard and shouted to his wife from the very gate:
- Wifey! Look, I finally got a little something for you and now I’ll treat you!
The neighbors looked out at the scream. They saw a cat and started laughing:
- Cat! Cat!
The wife also came out. And she was ashamed in front of people for her stupid husband, and joyful that he loved her so deeply. Apparently, what they say is true: there is no cure for stupidity.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru