A zurnach and a poor shoemaker lived next door. One day, the shoemaker's wife was chatting with the zurnach's wife. At this time, the musician returned from the wedding and brought a lot of money and gifts. The shoemaker's wife came home and said to her husband:
- Tomorrow you will buy a zurna, you will go to weddings like other husbands - earn money and receive gifts.
- What are you, a wife? - the poor man answers. “I’m about to turn seventy, where can I play the zurna?” Have you not heard the saying - those who have learned to play the zurna by the age of seventy will play in their graves?
“I don’t want to know anything,” my wife insisted, “either learn to play the zurne, or I’ll leave you.”
The shoemaker sees that he cannot convince his stubborn wife, so he went to the market and bought a zurna. The old man thought and thought and decided to hire a drummer to drown out his inept playing of the zurna. He found one drummer just like himself as a zurnach.
The wife says to the shoemaker:
-What are you waiting for? I hired a drummer, it's time to go to weddings.
“Where will I go if I’m not invited?” - the old man answers.
- There's no need to talk. Go through the villages, and they will recognize you. How can people know that you are a zurnach when you don’t leave the house?
The old man had no choice but to take the drummer with him and go to the outskirts of some village. Each of the unfortunate musicians thought what would happen if they had to start playing. And everyone reassured himself that his friend would hide his inability with his play. After all, the shoemaker did not know that the drummer could not play the drum, and the drummer did not know that the zurnach was not a zurnach at all.
Evening came when they, tired, reached the village. They see a large haystack standing. They lay down on the hay to rest. After a while they looked and a man approached the haystack; his clothes looked like a village elder. The headman sat down at the table and began to look around. Soon a girl came to the haystack and sat down next to the headman. They began to have loving conversations.
- When will we have the wedding? - the girl asked.
“If you want, right now,” the headman answers.
“Then don’t hesitate, there’s no more patience,” says the girl. Zurnach sees that things are taking such a turn, and says to his comrade:
- You can't think of anything better. I'll start blowing the zurna, and you beat the drum.
The shoemaker blew the zurna, the drummer hit the drum. The girl was scared.
“There are no devils here,” he says.
- What the hell? They have nothing to do where I am. “It’s apparently the cats meowing in the old hay,” the headman answers.
The conversation flared up again.
- Where did you fall in love with me? - asks the girl.
“I saw you at a wedding: you danced so well that I immediately liked you,” the headman answers.
- Oh, if only there were musicians here, I would dance for you. Zurnach says to the drummer:
- Don’t waste time, brother, I’ll blow it out, and you hit it.
One blows the zurna, the other beats the drum. Both of them don’t know how to play: there’s such a commotion here, such a roar. The headman realized that this was not a clean matter, he picked up the girl and was off. The lovers went home. And the zurnach and the drummer woke up early and began to look for the headman’s house. They found him, knocked on the gate, entered the yard, and greeted him politely.
- How can I serve you? - asks the headman.
“We came for payment,” the shoemaker answers.
- For what fee?
“I swear by Allah, it’s inconvenient to even talk, but I have to - yesterday we celebrated your wedding at the haystack.” So they came for payment.
The headman immediately realized that a scandal could break out and asks:
- And how much do I owe you?
“One hundred tumens,” the guard answers.
The headman had nowhere to go, so he gave them one hundred tumens. The headman's guard and drummer came out and began to look for the house where the girl lived. Good people showed them the house they needed. They repeated here everything they had told the elder. The girl paid them another hundred tumens and asked:
“Brother zurnach, you understand, don’t say a word about this to anyone.”
- Don't worry, madam. Nobody will know anything.
Zurnach gave the drummer half the money and broke up with him. He brought one hundred tumens home and gave them to his wife. The news of this reached the neighbor - a real zurnach. He had been a musician all his life, but he had never earned so much from one wedding. He came to the shoemaker and asked:
- Listen, neighbor, how did you manage to earn so much money in one night? Tell me.
— We ended up at a noble wedding. This is a wedding that not everyone can attend. This is called a straw wedding.
Zurnach did not understand anything from the shoemaker’s words and went to his home.
The wife of the imaginary musician was very happy with the money:
- Well, hubby, this money will now be enough for us to die. And you won’t have to play the zurna anymore. The old man was delighted by his wife’s words and took her at her word:
- Well, old woman, remember what you said. Don’t even try to force me to go to weddings again - I won’t go. An agreement is worth more than money.
Two or three years have passed since then. The shoemaker's wife was a big spender, she spent all her money: she lent some, she gave away some - there was nothing left.
“Well, hubby, you’ve seen for yourself how profitable it is to play at weddings.” It's time for you to get down to business again - there's no money left.
- No, wife. I warned you that I wasn't going anywhere. I have my own shoemaking business - it’s better not to.
The wife was offended and that same day, having collected her things, she went to her father. She thought that her husband would run after her. But a month passed, five months, and there was no word from my husband. The woman began to sigh and feel sad, and finally sent her father to her husband to come and take her.
“I will let her into the house only when she learns to fight like a pahlavan,” the husband says to his father-in-law.
- What are you talking about? - answers the father-in-law. “I thought you were a reasonable person, but you say things that would make a dead man laugh.” Your wife is already over sixty, it’s time for her to go to the next world, and you want her to become a pahlavan.
- Why, dear father-in-law, did you see the straw in my eye, but didn’t notice the log in yours? You kept quiet when your daughter forced me to become a judge. But I was also quite old?
The father-in-law realized that his son-in-law was right. He returned home and said to his daughter:
“It’s all your fault, daughter.” And now, as soon as you left, go back to your home.
The shoemaker's wife realized her mistake and returned to her husband.
Translated from Russian · original on wisdomlib.ru